We can all agree that a restroom is the last place we want to enjoy a meal, right? So why is there still a push for nursing parents to pump and feed in restroom stalls? Public restrooms are hardly the ideal environment, and frankly, suggesting it as a feeding option for new parents is just absurd.
I still vividly recall the first—and only—time I nursed my little one in a public restroom. My son was just a month old, and although I was nervous, I was excited to catch up with friends over brunch. Back then, I mistakenly placed greater value on others’ opinions about breastfeeding in public than on my own needs and those of my baby. (Quick tip for new moms: Ignore everyone else’s opinions. Master this early on, or your parenting journey will be filled with unnecessary struggles.)
At the brunch, everything started off wonderfully. Everyone was thrilled to see us, and my son was passed around, soaking up affection and cuddles. But when hunger struck, the atmosphere shifted. Suddenly, someone exclaimed, “Oh no! He’s hungry, and you forgot to bring his food!”
I calmly explained that his food was with me wherever I went. Then came the infamous suggestion: “Why don’t you feed him in the restroom?”
I felt a wave of discomfort wash over me. I could barely stand to use a public restroom, let alone nurse my baby there. Yet, the suggestion felt less like an option and more like an expectation. So, half-embarrassed and half-frustrated, I excused myself from the table and headed to the restroom to feed my son.
The stall was single-use, leaving me with only the disgusting toilet as a place to sit. That visit was one of many moments when gatherings with my loved ones made me question my choice to nurse. I didn’t have the words to explain why being told to nurse in a restroom felt wrong, but deep down, I knew it was.
Standing there, just weeks into motherhood, I felt the tears welling up. I soon realized it was just me and my son in that restroom, so I let the tears flow. I had left the table feeling marginalized, and it didn’t matter if the suggestion was meant to be helpful or not. The underlying message was clear: my baby should be fed with formula, and breastfeeding was something to be done in isolation.
What stung the most was recognizing that people I cared about made me feel ashamed of my choice to nurse. I never imagined that loved ones could unintentionally make me feel so alone and uncomfortable. That experience is etched in my memory, and the thought of suggesting that nursing take place in a restroom still infuriates me today.
Since that day, I’ve become a much more assertive advocate for breastfeeding. Feeding in a restroom—unless I’m home and in a pinch—is firmly on my list of “never-agains.” I now speak up for nursing parents, both in person and online.
Here’s a quick word to friends and family of nursing moms: nursing is hard work. Make sure your loved ones feel comfortable and supported while they feed their babies; it can impact both their milk supply and the baby’s well-being. If you’re uncomfortable with someone nursing, then excuse yourself. Rather than suggesting where a parent should feed, remember that nursing is protected by law in all 50 states, as both a public health matter and a basic human right. And please, reflect on any internalized beliefs that make you feel uncomfortable about something as natural as breastfeeding.
Never tell a nursing parent they should feed in a restroom or any other secluded spot unless they express a desire for privacy. Let’s not be the ones who make someone feel like they must retreat to a restroom to feed their child.
For more insights on the topic of breastfeeding and parenting, check out this excellent resource on home insemination, which has related information.
In summary, it’s crucial to create a supportive environment for nursing parents, focusing on their comfort and rights while dispelling any outdated notions about where nursing should occur.