My cherished grandfather passed away recently at the age of 96. He had been residing in a care facility for several years, and when it came time for his funeral, his obituary requested that all attendees follow social distancing and safety measures, particularly for those at risk. Given my family’s past behavior, we were well aware that they wouldn’t adhere to these guidelines. Consequently, we made the difficult decision to miss my grandfather’s funeral out of concern for COVID-19.
This loss wasn’t sudden. My grandfather had been dealing with mild dementia, relying on a walker that he detested, and he had been feeling down. The pandemic had made family visits impossible, and even when he would occasionally turn on his phone, his hearing challenges made conversations awkward. Though we missed him dearly, it had been a long time since we had seen him.
Claims of COVID-19 Safety, But Reality Says Otherwise
When the pandemic first emerged, my husband closely monitored the rising case numbers and realized that it was going to be a prolonged situation. We offered for my mother to stay with us, but she declined. During a brief visit when she dropped off some soup, I suggested practicing basic COVID-19 safety measures, which she dismissed as unnecessary. Later, she misled us about her social interactions, claiming to adhere to strict isolation while frequently seeing friends and family.
When my husband confronted her about her disregard for safety protocols, she reacted angrily. He calmly expressed our desire to see her again in two weeks if she stayed quarantined and urged her to connect with us via Zoom. Unfortunately, we haven’t seen her since, despite our offers to help and stay in touch. Social media revealed her out and about with friends, completely disregarding the precautions we deemed vital.
Concerns About My Grandfather’s Funeral
I genuinely doubted that anyone at the funeral would be following COVID-19 safety measures. There would undoubtedly be hugs, close encounters, and masks worn improperly. I often find myself urging people to maintain distance in grocery stores; was I really going to confront cherished family friends and elders about their safety practices during such an emotional time? It felt impossible.
The Risks of Church Gatherings
My grandfather, being Catholic, meant that his funeral would include a Mass, which raises significant concerns about transmission. The idea of a priest distributing Communion, touching multiple hands, and requiring attendees to remove their masks to receive the sacrament is alarming. Experts have cited churches as ideal settings for virus transmission due to the close quarters and vocal activities like singing, which are prevalent during services.
Funerals typically involve various lines, whether to pay respects, receive condolences, or partake in Communion. These interactions pose clear risks, and it felt unreasonable to expect anyone to maintain proper social distancing in that environment.
The Challenge of Affectionate Rituals
We all know that hugging is not a part of COVID-19 safety practices, yet the pressure to embrace familiar faces at a funeral would be immense. I would feel torn between my desire to protect my family and the guilt of denying comfort to those who loved my grandfather as well.
Ultimately, we chose to stay home and not attend my grandfather’s funeral. I am heartbroken, but I believe it was the right decision given the circumstances. Even if my family managed to maintain safety, we couldn’t gamble with our health—especially when the infection rates were surging, and both my husband and I are at higher risk.
This decision weighed heavily on me, but I felt it was necessary, even if it meant missing such an important moment.
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Summary:
The author recounts the difficult decision to skip their grandfather’s funeral due to concerns about COVID-19 safety measures not being observed by their extended family. Despite the emotional weight of the decision, the risk of exposure in a crowded and intimate setting was deemed too high. The narrative highlights the challenges of maintaining safety while navigating familial expectations and rituals during the pandemic.