Trigger warning: sexual assault
I entered the modeling world at the age of 17. It was never a dream of mine, but when the chance arose, I seized it. I’d heard the pay was good, and I needed to save money to leave my home country of Poland.
During my first agency meeting, I was asked to strip down to my underwear in front of strangers who critiqued every aspect of my appearance. They called it a standard evaluation, but it made me feel objectified. Unsurprisingly, they told me I needed to lose weight.
“If you’re not a walking skeleton, you’re considered too heavy.”
Contrary to what many believe, modeling isn’t an easy career. The challenge doesn’t stem from posing, which requires some skill but isn’t rocket science. Instead, it lies in the industry’s unrealistic expectations and dark practices. There’s a lot happening behind the scenes that the public often doesn’t see.
I was already underweight when I signed with an agency, but the 2010s were particularly harsh when it came to beauty standards. We were still entrenched in the “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” mentality, and sadly, I think we haven’t completely moved on from that.
My contract even specified that I had to maintain a certain weight (how legal that was, I can’t say). I eventually lost even more weight, reaching about 100 pounds at 5’8”. Ironically, despite being underweight, I was often labeled as a “larger” girl at castings. I frequently heard comments about my hips, legs, and body size.
Most of the girls I worked with subsisted on an apple or two each day. During photoshoots that could last 12 to 14 hours, we were typically offered only a small salad or a piece of fruit, and if we were lucky, a plain slice of pizza.
A Dark Reality
Although I detested attending castings and facing harsh judgments from strangers, it was part of the job. I was fortunate to consistently find work, mainly as a commercial model—this involved appearing in ads, product packaging, and catalogs, which felt safer compared to high fashion or lingerie gigs.
Yet, the modeling industry is unpredictable and often unfair, even for those signed with multiple agencies. Just because you have representation doesn’t guarantee a stream of paying jobs. For every successful model, countless others struggle to make it.
This precariousness can lead some models to seek alternative means of income. Some of my friends who were sent on contracts to places like Taiwan or Japan faced numerous rejections and eventually turned to escorting or providing “the girlfriend experience.” While our agency didn’t promote this, it also didn’t condemn it. It was a gray area.
Beyond the Surface
In addition to unrealistic standards and questionable practices, it was not uncommon for models to experience groping, drugging, or sexual assault during shoots. I had my own share of uncomfortable encounters, and I believe this behavior often arises from the perception that models are not “human” but rather objects for admiration.
We are often seen as mere hangers for clothes—things to be admired, touched, and ultimately discarded when our youth fades. Despite the perceived prestige of being a model, I often felt that men treated me worse. They seemed to admire the idea of me rather than me as an individual. I was frequently seen as an accessory rather than a person.
And then there’s the stereotype that models lack intelligence. Many of us, myself included, had aspirations beyond modeling. We often saved our earnings to further our education or to pursue other dreams while working (which I eventually did).
Looking Back: No Regrets, But…
After stepping away from modeling at 23, I started gaining weight and finally found a healthy balance. However, years of being told I was overweight when I wasn’t left a lasting impact. I often struggle with body image, haunted by the negative comments I received about my appearance.
While I acknowledge that modeling provided good financial support for my dreams of studying abroad, I ultimately regret my experiences in the industry. I believe there were healthier paths to achieving my goals.
The modeling industry preys on vulnerable individuals, often minors, who are unaware of the challenges they may face. It turns a blind eye to its darker aspects, encourages eating disorders, and neglects the mental health of models. I’m uncertain if the industry has improved since my time in it.
Today, the focus has shifted slightly from just looks to social media presence, with agencies often listing Instagram follower counts alongside model portfolios. While the body positivity movement has introduced more plus-size models, the demand for ultra-thin models remains, as many major brands still prioritize skeletal figures over diversity.
We need to shine a light on the toxic nature of the fashion and modeling industry. Young girls are exploited for their beauty, often suffering in the process, only to be discarded when that beauty fades. This exploitation is unacceptable.
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Summary:
My journey as a teenage model was fraught with challenges, unrealistic beauty standards, and objectification. Despite the superficial appeal of modeling, the harsh realities of the industry led to significant personal struggles, including issues with self-image and mental health. I would not choose to walk that path again, as I believe there are healthier avenues to pursue one’s dreams and aspirations.