I’ve struggled with body image for as long as I can remember. In my youth, when I was active and fit, I still felt “fat.” Now, in my mid-thirties and after having three children, I find myself longing for that so-called “fat” body again.
I am acutely aware of my body image issues, their irrationality, and their roots in my upbringing. My parents, while never overtly critical, instilled in me the belief that beauty equates to thinness and that being overweight signifies laziness. This mindset is deeply ingrained, making it hard to shake off, even when I know it’s not true. As I gained weight in adulthood, I dabbled with disordered eating, a challenge that continues to affect me today.
I have two daughters, and I am determined to ensure they grow up loving their bodies, no matter how they change. My husband understands my struggles, and together we have a clear plan: we avoid discussing bodies, whether positively or negatively, in front of our kids. We focus on their qualities that don’t change with weight, like their smiles and hair. The term “fat” is banned in our home, and we correct our daughters whenever they use it. I don’t diet or weigh myself in their presence. Yet, despite our best efforts, they have begun to body shame me.
My daughters, aged 8 and 6, have been making comments that, while not intended to hurt, sting nonetheless. Here are a few remarks that have left me feeling vulnerable:
- “Is your butt going to fit in that chair? Because it’s big.”
- “Are you going to break that pool floatie? Because you’re heavy.”
- “Your legs look weird and big in that.”
- “You look like you are pregnant.”
- “Why is your tummy so big?”
Each comment makes me feel emotional and tightens my chest. I remind them that commenting on others’ bodies is impolite, but I hesitate to express how deeply these remarks affect me. If I reveal that their words hurt, I risk implying that being “big” or “heavy” is negative.
It’s a delicate balance that I’m exhausted from maintaining. Recently, during our 10-year wedding anniversary, I was excited to dress up for a special dinner. Yet, when one of my daughters remarked on my legs, I felt a wave of self-doubt wash over me. I even considered skipping my salad, thinking about those calories as too much. Instead of enjoying the evening, I found myself feeling self-conscious.
I know this is my personal struggle, and my children aren’t to blame. I want to teach them about body positivity without instilling any issues of their own. Right now, I feel lost on how to navigate this situation.
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In summary, navigating body image issues while raising daughters can be challenging. Despite efforts to promote body positivity, children’s comments can still trigger insecurities. It’s essential to find a balance that encourages healthy self-esteem without passing on negative beliefs.