Parenting is about allowing your children to be their authentic selves.
By Sarah Jennings
Updated: Feb. 20, 2024
Originally Published: May 16, 2022
Recently, I brought my daughter to the gym with me. She’s been working out at home using limited equipment and expressed a desire to join me to use the weight machines. When she asked if she could invite her friend, I agreed—fully aware that it would be difficult for me to resist the urge to remind her that she’s wanted this for a long time. I wanted her to have her own experience instead of spending the entire time chatting.
As I feared, she stood beside her friend while she explored the weight machines instead of trying them herself. After about thirty minutes, my daughter finally began to work out independently, but she continued to follow her friend’s lead, only using the equipment after her friend had finished.
Instead of diving into the experience she had longed for, my daughter held back and trailed her friend. I had to keep my thoughts to myself, struggling with the notion that she might have benefited from going solo. My daughter has never been a natural leader, nor does she aspire to be one. On the other hand, I have always been someone who follows my own path without worrying about others’ opinions. I’m comfortable dining alone, introducing myself to strangers, trying out new fashion trends, or making a fool of myself while exploring new experiences. I find it challenging that she faces these situations with such difficulty, and I need to exercise patience.
I’ve seen her shrink back whenever someone encourages her to step outside her comfort zone. She prefers to blend in and mimic her friends’ choices. For instance, if a friend wears a purple dress, she feels the need to have one too. When her best friend decided dresses were out, my daughter followed suit. And when many girls in her class chose to play lacrosse, she joined the team.
What I’ve come to realize is that my daughter requires observation before she feels ready to try something new. She needs to feel secure in her choices, often drawn into activities if a friend participates alongside her. However, being the captain of a team or a top scorer doesn’t interest her, even though she has the capability. She dislikes having her picture taken and avoids being the center of attention. She prefers smaller birthday celebrations. As her mother, I’m trying to find a balance. I want her to think for herself, make her own choices, and have autonomy, but I also recognize the discomfort she feels when I encourage her to be more assertive. When I push her, she often breaks down in tears and shuts down, leading to inaction—just like that day at the gym.
Attempting to mold her into someone she’s not is counterproductive for both of us and does nothing to enhance our relationship. I want her to have her own voice, but I won’t teach her to assert herself by trying to shape her into my idea of a leader. It’s about nurturing her unique voice, not forcing her to adopt mine. I’ve learned to check in with her feelings about different situations. The interesting thing is, she knows what she enjoys. She loves spending time with animals and has dedicated many hours to volunteering at the local animal shelter. She enjoys visiting pet stores and follows several farming and animal groups on social media, which bring her peace. She is responsible for caring for her own pets. So why would I push her toward something that doesn’t resonate with her when she already has fulfilling interests?
Last night, when we went to the gym together again, she confidently did her thing on her own. Perhaps it was easier for her since it was just the two of us, without the distraction of a friend. I also realize that if I had questioned her about why she didn’t use the equipment she wanted or followed her friend, she might have decided never to return to the gym. Parenting isn’t about transforming your kids into someone they’re not; it’s about respecting their individuality and helping them trust their instincts and make their own choices.
For more insights on parenting and personal growth, check out this article on home insemination initiatives. Additionally, if you’re looking for authoritative resources on this topic, you might find this article helpful. For those exploring pregnancy options, this resource offers excellent guidance.
Search Queries
- How to encourage independence in children
- Understanding different parenting styles
- Helping children build self-confidence
- Activities to boost child’s confidence
- Supporting shy children
Summary:
In this reflective piece, Sarah discusses her experience of bringing her daughter to the gym, highlighting the differences between their personalities. Recognizing that her daughter is not a natural leader and often prefers to follow her friends, Sarah emphasizes the importance of allowing her child to embrace her individuality. Rather than forcing her daughter to conform to her own ideas of leadership and independence, Sarah learns to respect her daughter’s unique voice and encourage her to make her own choices. The article ultimately underscores that effective parenting is about honoring children’s authentic selves.