July 20, 2023
I may be a bit biased, but my daughter is stunning. She has striking blue eyes framed by dark lashes, a dazzling smile, and light brown hair that glimmers like gold in the sunlight. Friends, family, and even strangers shower her with compliments about her beauty, and I cherish each one, especially since I played a part in creating her.
However, I have a problem with compliments that come with conditions. You know the type. You might have even said them yourself. I know I have, and I find it challenging to refrain from saying similar things to my daughter.
- You look so lovely with your hair down.
- You’re beautiful now that you’re clean after your bath.
- That outfit makes you look so pretty.
These remarks are often made without any bad intentions, and most people don’t think about the implications of their words. Yet, each compliment carries an underlying message: her beauty is contingent on her hairstyle, cleanliness, or clothing. This suggests that her worth is conditional, and that’s not a message I want to instill in her.
What deeply concerns me is that at just four years old, she is already picking up on these subtle cues. She’ll emerge from her room proudly dressed, asking, “Mommy, am I pretty now?” Or after brushing her teeth, she beams and exclaims, “Look, Mom, I’m pretty now!”
She is innocent and doesn’t realize how these statements from her own mouth tug at my heartstrings. I always respond lovingly, “Sweetheart, you are beautiful all the time. Your beauty comes from within. There’s nothing you can do or not do, say or not say, wear or not wear, to change how pretty you are right now. You were, are, and always will be beautiful.”
Though she doesn’t fully grasp it yet, I make it a priority to reinforce this message whenever she asks if she’s pretty based on her actions, words, or outfits. It’s crucial that these affirmations become a part of her self-image.
Our daughters face a challenging world today, bombarded with messages that suggest they are to blame for any negativity they encounter, and that beauty is only valid at a certain size. One harmful image online or a cruel anonymous comment can have devastating effects.
It’s hard being a woman in this era, and the last thing my daughter needs to hear is that her beauty relies on external factors. She must know from everyone who comments on her appearance that she is pretty simply because she exists. Whether she’s dressed up or has peanut butter smeared across her face, my daughter is beautiful all the time.
So, please refrain from calling my daughter pretty if you feel the need to attach conditions to it. She shouldn’t learn at such a young age that beauty is contingent; it simply isn’t. I want to protect her from that societal falsehood for as long as I can.
For more insights on parenting and personal growth, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination or explore some maternity tips from trusted experts. Additionally, if you’re interested in fertility solutions, consider reading about the fertility booster for men.
Summary:
This article discusses the importance of unconditional beauty affirmation for young girls, emphasizing the need to reject conditional compliments that might suggest a child’s worth is tied to external appearances. The author shares personal experiences with her daughter to highlight the societal pressures girls face and the critical role parents play in fostering a positive self-image.