As I settled into the rocking chair this afternoon with Max, preparing him for his nap, I found myself scrolling through social media when I stumbled upon a heated discussion: to sleep train or not to sleep train. The parents involved were at odds, criticizing each other’s choices around sleep training, asserting it contradicts the principles of “gentle parenting” and claiming that research indicates it harms a child’s development.
Well, here’s a revelation—I sleep-trained my child too. It worked wonders for our family, and I feel frustrated with those who make parents like me feel as though we must keep this decision a secret, as if we should be ashamed of it.
To clarify, “sleep training” involves teaching your child to fall asleep independently, in a secure and calm environment. According to our pediatrician, every individual—including babies—naturally wakes during the night. Unlike adults, who have learned to cope with waking in darkness, babies need guidance to understand that it’s okay. While the “cry-it-out” method is often linked to sleep training, there are many strategies to explore, such as verbal reassurance, pick-up-put-down (PUPD), and establishing a consistent bedtime routine.
It’s crucial to emphasize that sleep training does not equate to leaving a child to cry in distress for hours. If that’s your approach (and I’ll admit, I’m judging), then shame on you.
I, too, was initially hesitant about sleep training. I worried that not responding to every nighttime cry, despite our doctor assuring us that Max was healthy and not waking due to hunger, would be harmful. Each night, I engaged in an elaborate routine that bordered on the superstitious. I believed that adjusting lighting and speaking softly would somehow help him sleep longer.
I’m still amazed at how my husband managed my nighttime rituals. Beyond the meticulous arrangement of his bedside lamp, I even insisted he hold Max in specific ways before bed.
The truth is, my overwhelming exhaustion and the sense of helplessness I felt was taking a toll on my well-being. We tried everything: extra feedings, soothing baths, cozy sleep sacks, and calming sounds. We even co-slept for several months, yet Max still woke every hour or two in distress.
So before anyone criticizes me for not putting in the effort or for being unloving, understand that I tried everything conceivable.
Ultimately, the combination of PUPD, verbal reassurance, and a gradual extinction method proved most effective for us. Importantly, I ceased nursing Max to sleep. Instead, we established a routine that included a bath (on nights when it was needed), pajamas, a feeding session, and a story. If he fell asleep while feeding, I would gently wake him before reading. This approach, while seemingly unconventional, was effective. It was essential for Max to be placed in his crib awake, signaling to him that it was time for sleep.
Our sleep-training journey transformed our nights remarkably. Even with our gentle parenting methods, Max had been waking in distress multiple times each night. After implementing our sleep training regimen, those frantic awakenings were replaced by a few soft sounds before he drifted back to sleep. Oftentimes, when he is put in his crib and the lights dimmed, he falls asleep without any fuss. If he stirs in fear or hunger, I’m there to comfort him. This routine has brought a noticeable ease to his overall nighttime experience.
Of course, there are still occasional rough nights, especially after vacations or significant events that disrupt our routine. After such times, we often have to revisit the basics of helping Max settle back into sleep on his own. Those first nights can be challenging, and I hear the confusion and frustration in his cries. On particularly tough nights, we snuggle a bit more to reassure him of our love.
One surprising aspect of our sleep training was how quickly our nights became more peaceful. Max had been in a cycle of distress, but now, even when he wakes up, he rarely cries out in panic. Most of the time, he comfortably settles back to sleep after a brief adjustment.
With all the conflicting parenting advice available—ranging from breastfeeding guidelines to differing opinions on stay-at-home parenting—it’s essential to gather information but also trust your intuition. Instead of solely depending on studies and statistics, let’s honor our instincts and the deep bonds we share with our children.
I have no regrets about sleep training. I hope you can trust my parenting choices, just as I respect yours.
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Summary:
This article discusses the author’s experience with sleep training her child, Max. Despite initial hesitations and societal pressures, she found sleep training to be beneficial for her family. By establishing a structured routine and implementing gentle methods, she successfully taught Max to sleep independently. The author encourages parents to embrace their choices and trust their instincts, while also highlighting the importance of understanding their child’s needs.