Not long ago, I found myself wallowing in self-pity after an exhausting day of swimsuit shopping. Before becoming a parent, I could slip into anything without a second thought, always fitting comfortably into a small. Those days are long gone. Now, I find myself outside the dressing room, devoid of confidence, juggling a pile of different sizes while breaking into a sweat that rivals a high-stakes smuggling operation.
This transformation didn’t happen overnight. After spending nine months nurturing a tiny human, it’s unrealistic to expect my body to revert back to its former self immediately after childbirth. Perhaps it’s the influence of those magazine covers featuring fit celebrity moms that fueled my unrealistic expectations. The truth is, reclaiming a healthy body is a long and often frustrating journey. There are days when I catch a glimpse of my stomach and don’t feel a wave of disdain, which I’m considering a personal victory!
As an American, I have a tendency to externalize my frustrations. Society plays a significant role in this struggle. It’s curious that women are only encouraged to embrace their bodies during pregnancy; once that phase is over, it feels like a different story. During my pregnancy, I relished wearing form-fitting clothes without feeling the need to adjust or hide. Now, the only time I sport something snug is when laundry day forces me into it. I’ve even been known to dodge the UPS delivery guy when I’m in my comfy sweats, feeling a little too casual.
With summer on the horizon, I realized it was time to channel my inner strength and tackle swimsuit shopping once more. Although I haven’t fully accepted the classic black one-piece, I definitely don’t fit the target market for those vibrant, tribal print bikinis at Target. Instead, I found myself searching for a balance between practicality and style. After selecting a few candidates, I headed for the fitting room, only to be greeted by what seemed like a funhouse mirror. Surely, that can’t be my reflection showing unexpected cellulite?
Just when I thought I’d faced the most embarrassing moment of my life—remembering that awkward “snarting” incident with my OB-GYN—the universe had other plans. I struggled to pull the swimsuit bottoms past my thighs, nearly losing circulation in the process. I stubbornly persisted, shimmying and jumping until they finally fit. The fabric felt like it was slicing into me, which definitely warranted a serious ice cream binge afterward.
Ultimately, I settled on a swimsuit that resembled the equivalent of a beige loafer—functional but not exactly a fashion statement. Still, choosing a two-piece made me feel a touch rebellious, which was a small win. I managed to avoid a muu muu at the beach, and for now, that’s enough. Perhaps next year, I’ll find the courage to stop cropping myself out of family beach photos.
This article was originally published on May 14, 2015.
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Summary
This article explores the challenges and emotions surrounding swimsuit season, particularly for mothers adjusting to post-pregnancy bodies. It reflects on societal pressures regarding body image, the often humorous realities of shopping for swimsuits, and the small victories that come with self-acceptance.