For weeks now, my child has been asking when they can spend time with their friends again. “But Jamie wants to know if I can go for a bike ride!” they lament. “Everyone else is hanging out! This is so unfair! I’m the only one missing out!”
My response remains consistent: “I understand it’s frustrating, and I’m really sorry. But my decision stands—at least for now.”
To say this has been simple would be a lie; it hasn’t. I’ve had moments of doubt, but for the moment, the answer is still “no, you cannot hang out with your friends.”
Every family has to navigate this situation in their own way, weighing a multitude of factors that influence their decisions. It’s a balance between logic and instinct. For me, my intuition is loud and clear—slow down. There’s no need to rush into anything.
Other parents may have different priorities and views on how serious the COVID-19 situation is. Personally, I believe it’s crucial to take it very seriously.
I’ve been preparing my child for this by explaining that other families will make different choices. Just because something is technically allowed doesn’t mean it’s the right choice for us. We’re making decisions tailored to our family’s unique circumstances.
However, when you’re a teenager, no amount of explaining can ease the sting of being left out. It’s hard to watch peers riding bikes past your house without masks, and it only amplifies feelings of exclusion.
“I’M THE ONLY ONE!” my child cries repeatedly.
First of all, no, you’re not the only one not hanging out. Many kids are also adhering to safety guidelines. You are not “the only one” who can’t stay up until 4 a.m. or who won’t be going to that party with alcohol, and you certainly aren’t the “only one” without a new cell phone every year.
But I get it. I truly do. I experienced intense FOMO as a teen, convinced I was the only one not participating in certain activities. I still sometimes feel that way. This empathy drives me to explain that these feelings don’t just vanish; they can be managed. You can learn to feel comfortable saying “no” and to trust that your true friends will still be there for you.
Kids often want more than just reassurance; they need to understand the reasons behind our decisions. I’ve made an effort to explain what we know about COVID-19 and the uncertainties surrounding it. I’ve discussed our risk factors and how we plan to minimize them, as well as what it would take for my partner and me to feel comfortable with them socializing again. I’ve shared my own anxieties and the fact that we have vulnerable family members we want to protect. I’ve told them that hanging out with friends will happen, just not yet.
In short: No, kids, you can’t hang out with your friends just yet, even if it seems like everyone else is doing it.
Am I being overly strict with our pandemic rules? Some might think so. Others may argue I’m not strict enough. This gray area is complicated, especially in this post-lockdown, pre-vaccine world. Different families will make different choices based on their unique situations, a reality that extends beyond the pandemic into everyday parenting.
Ultimately, I believe my child understands our decisions. They may be upset, but they grasp that we’re not trying to make their lives miserable; we’re aiming to keep them—and others—safe. As the saying goes, this too shall pass. Eventually, they will reunite with their friends, return to school, play sports, and have sleepovers. I hope that when that time comes, they will be a little more resilient against feelings of exclusion. They will learn the importance of caring for others, even at a personal inconvenience, and the value of trusting one’s instincts when making tough choices.
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In summary, it’s essential for families to navigate the complexities of socializing during a pandemic with care and consideration. Open communication about the reasons behind restrictions can help children understand and cope with their feelings of exclusion.