Updated: June 3, 2021
Originally Published: August 2, 2011
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The bustling farmers’ market was packed, and I was in a rush. Clutching my cash, I found myself standing behind a woman who couldn’t stop expanding her order. “I WANT IT!” her toddler cried from her hip, pointing at a bunch of vibrant carrots. With a star-like smile, she handed them over to the teenage vendor. “MINE!” the child insisted again, this time eyeing some pink fingerling potatoes. “How can you say no?” she beamed, oblivious to the growing line behind her. My frustration soared as the little tyrant demanded cranberry beans, all while her mother gloated about her child’s love for vegetables.
I must confess, I once carried that same air of superiority. And honestly, I’d prefer not to be reminded of it.
I have two wonderful sons, now aged 6 and 8, who have always been adventurous eaters. When a popular book promoting the idea of hiding spinach in brownies hit the shelves, I was left dumbfounded. My kids devour spinach by the truckload, both raw and cooked. They happily munch on broccoli, beans, squash, and kale. One of them insists on having beets served hot rather than cold, but I try not to hold that against him.
It’s amusing to witness the astonishment of other adults. My six-year-old has developed a reputation at our local Italian spot for requesting extra spinach on his pizza. When we dined at a fancy Japanese restaurant during a vacation last spring, the young server was taken aback when my children ordered ikura sushi and tako—salmon eggs and octopus. “I didn’t try that until I was an adult!” she exclaimed. “And I’m Asian!”
Such reactions make me wonder just how dire things must be for kids’ palates out there. “You’re the first kid to order the veal medallions in fennel and lemon butter sauce,” a waitress remarked recently, and I could only respond, “Really?” It’s just meat and potatoes, after all.
For a time, I was foolish enough to take credit for their culinary bravery. I wanted to believe it was my adventurous spirit or relaxed attitude. I would put a vegetable on the table every night and never served chicken fingers or boxed mac and cheese at home. I thought, “I’m such a great mom!” Cue the laugh track.
I apologize to the world. I now realize how misguided that thinking was. If their behavior reflected mine, one might also assume I engage in less-than-desirable habits like picking my nose or using my shirt as a napkin.
So, if their adventurous taste buds aren’t a product of my stellar parenting, where do they come from? Perhaps it’s a mix of birth order and our personalities: a laid-back older sibling combined with a younger brother eager to prove himself, all supported by a daring father. At our table, being a picky eater simply isn’t an option.
A compelling theory is that their adventurous eating stems from my early restrictions. As a nervous new mother, I adhered strictly to guidelines. Baby’s first taste should consist of precisely one tablespoon of rice cereal blended with breast milk, introduced in 1/8 teaspoon increments while monitoring for severe allergic reactions.
Don’t worry; I’ve moved past that. However, my cautious approach meant we never encouraged the boys to sample oysters and mussels (now favorites of my 8-year-old) during their high chair days. Instead, I thought, “No! You can’t want that! You’re just a baby! You’ll choke! Here, have more of this pureed mush from a jar.”
Living in New York City, we consume a lot of sushi. We typically place cooked dishes in front of our toddler—like teriyaki chicken or avocado rolls. Yet, it didn’t take long for him to notice that Daddy’s chopsticks held something different. He pointed at the mackerel sashimi, and Daddy obliged.
It’s reverse psychology, my friends. This tactic only works if you’re unaware you’re employing it. I found myself cautiously consulting our pediatrician about whether toddlers could eat raw fish. In typical Manhattan fashion, he shrugged and mentioned that his children devour sushi regularly.
Thanks to my parental missteps, I’ve avoided the common dinnertime squabbles. However, there are drawbacks. If your children embrace gourmet cuisine, they might turn their noses up at simpler fare. After enjoying sushi for a year, my kids decided to boycott cooked fish. This was excruciating, as fish is healthy, and I’m no sushi chef. Watching toddlers relish pricey sushi is adorable; watching two growing boys devour sushi post-soccer match is a costly indulgence. And then there’s the snob factor. Imagine your chubby three-year-old looking up at a weary waitress in a roadside diner and asking, “What are the specials?”
At times, it’s anything but cute.
However, my mealtime experiences have given me unique insights. When one of my kids claims he doesn’t like something, I don’t react. It’s not that I possess remarkable restraint; I simply don’t care. If a child who relishes rutabaga, salmon Provencal, split pea soup, and stuffed peppers tells you he dislikes the capers in the pasta sauce, consider me unfazed.
I can’t instruct you on how to cultivate adventurous eaters, as I realize I can’t take credit for my two. What I can share is my firsthand experience that not discussing vegetables makes mealtime much more enjoyable.
So, I hereby grant you permission, during those challenging moments, to let go. If you’ve ordered Chinese because your three-year-old occasionally relishes chicken and broccoli but hasn’t eaten anything green in weeks—save for a lime popsicle—yet refuses to touch it tonight, I encourage you to close your eyes. Envision that he typically dines like a Michelin-starred chef. Pretend that just yesterday, he savored fresh root vegetables with zesty hummus, miso soup with tofu, and bean shoots in sesame oil.
I insist you take a break from caring. Hand your child that bag of odd little fried noodles the restaurant tossed in as an afterthought, and let him enjoy those. As for the chicken and broccoli? Declare, “More for me!” and pour yourself a glass of wine. Relish the peace, and who knows—maybe your casual approach will shift the tides.
This article was originally published on August 2, 2011.
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Summary
This article explores the author’s humorous journey through parenting and mealtime experiences, highlighting how her two adventurous eaters diverged from the common challenges many parents face with picky eaters. Acknowledging that she cannot take credit for her children’s culinary bravery, she offers insights into embracing a more relaxed approach to mealtime, allowing parents to find peace amid the chaos.