In my mind, patience is akin to great wealth—some individuals are naturally endowed with it, while others cultivate it over time. Unfortunately, I often feel as though I’m running on empty in the patience department and constantly wonder how I can increase my supply. My tolerance wears thin quickly, and it doesn’t take long for me to reach my limit. Yet, I am committed to learning and growing for the sake of my children, who certainly didn’t ask for a mom who struggles to cope.
Frustration is part of life, especially in parenting. It doesn’t cease with our kids; life itself is filled with annoyances—from the traffic light turning red just when you’re late to discovering an empty toilet paper roll after using the restroom. When faced with these frustrations, we usually have two choices:
- We can allow irritation to transform us into the stressed-out version of ourselves that we despise, leading to a guilt-ridden cycle that only affects our kids, who often bear the brunt of our impatience.
- Or we can strive to handle these moments with mindfulness—pausing before reacting, thinking prior to speaking, and taking the time to explore why we feel like pulling our hair out. (This goes hand-in-hand with the bonus option of sneaking off to indulge in a secret stash of chocolate.)
When my children push me to the edge, I find myself questioning whether I’m expecting too much from them. I already know that the skills I’ve honed through years of practice are still new to them. For instance, tying their shoes may take longer because, well, they haven’t been doing it for decades and their attention often wanders.
I try to approach parenting with the same kindness I would want if I were in their shoes. Imagine starting a new job with a boss who has unrealistic expectations or being in a class where the teacher is moving at lightning speed. If my partner trailed behind me, demanding I do things better or faster, I’d certainly have something to say about that.
It’s essential to remember that our kids are individuals too. They may be slow, stubborn, or frustrating at times, but they are still people. No one enjoys being constantly pushed, especially when they’re genuinely trying their best. Just like that red light at the intersection isn’t there to spite us, my kids aren’t being bothersome just to ruin my day—even if it feels that way sometimes.
There are days when they feel down, just as we do; circumstances can weigh heavily on their spirits. During those moments, our patience is the greatest gift we can offer. Rather than resorting to discipline, they need our understanding and a comforting hug. Empathy and compassion can work wonders, far exceeding the effects of annoyance or pressure. On days when I’m struggling, I crave understanding, not criticism—and my kids are no different.
I recognize that my patience levels aren’t where I want them to be, and sometimes my mindfulness strategies fall short (let’s face it, easier said than done). So when my patience is waning, I often pretend I’m being filmed for a reality show, needing to exhibit my best parental behavior. After all, nobody acts like a jerk to their kids when others are watching. Have you ever seen someone like Lisa Harper lose her cool with her children? With a busy household, we know she must have her moments—yet cameras.
While I have a long journey ahead before I become the relaxed and understanding parent I aspire to be, I understand the importance of perseverance. In the meantime, I hope my children will be patient with me as I learn to be more patient with them.
Ah, the irony!
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Summary
Being a patient parent is a work in progress. Frustration is inevitable, but by practicing mindfulness and empathy, we can improve our interactions with our children. Remembering that they are learning just like we did can help foster a more understanding environment. As I strive to be the mom my kids deserve, patience is something I’m continuously learning to cultivate.