My child, who is living with HIV, is playing alongside your child, and you may not even be aware of it. She has interacted with your child at a local private preschool, participated in swim lessons, and is even in line behind them at gymnastics class. My daughter, who is HIV-positive, is protected by legal rights that allow us to keep her status confidential from schools, camps, and parents—only medical professionals need to be informed.
Due to the stigma and misinformation surrounding HIV, many courageous advocates have fought for the right to remain silent about their HIV status. Our social worker advised us post-adoption, “Don’t disclose this information. The stigma and ignorance surrounding HIV are pervasive. Your child already stands out because of her Chinese heritage. Do you really want to add another reason for people to judge her?”
This year in kindergarten, my sweet girl attempted to share her secret with your child. “Lily, guess what? I have a dragon in my blood. I was born with it, and my mommy from China had it too. When I take my medicine, the dragon stays asleep.” Unfortunately, Lily and a few others didn’t understand her. One child even chimed in, “Well, I was born in China, and I have a dragon too!” It was apparent he wanted to join in the conversation. I reassured my daughter that their responses stemmed from a lack of understanding.
So why don’t I have to inform schools, churches, or daycare centers? Because HIV has never been transmitted in these environments. Thanks to modern medications, the virus is rendered inactive. My child undergoes routine blood tests every four months, and each time the results confirm that the virus is undetectable in her system. She is vibrant, joyful, and full of life. I bandage her scraped knees, clean up the occasional bloody nose, share food and drinks, and cuddle with her—without any risk of HIV transmission.
She simply happened to be born with this condition. Had her birth mother been able to access life-saving antiretroviral treatment during pregnancy, my daughter might not have been born with HIV. In China, those vital medications are provided free of charge by the government, yet many HIV-positive individuals refrain from taking them. Admitting to being HIV-positive often results in being ostracized from family and friends.
As she grows older, my daughter may date your son and might even choose to have children of her own—likely HIV-negative. Fellow parents, please understand that there is nothing to fear about HIV. I encourage you to do your own research; talk to your pediatrician, and explore trustworthy resources like Resolve for further information. It’s important to educate ourselves so we can dispel the myths surrounding this condition. You don’t have to take my word for it, but just know that my child with HIV is playing with yours, and it’s perfectly fine that you don’t know which one she is.
HIV is not the monster it’s often portrayed to be; the real dangers lie in ignorance and stigma.