Let me start by saying that I don’t entirely blame him. My son has always had his sister, who’s just a year younger, by his side. He’s never truly experienced what it’s like to play without a companion to share adventures, engage in pretend play, or find trouble with. While I get his struggle, I can’t help but notice that his sister, who also doesn’t remember life without him, can easily entertain herself in her room with her dolls without any prompting. If she can manage solo play, why can’t he? The truth is, he won’t, and I’m puzzled by it. I could dissect this situation endlessly, pondering why independent play isn’t his strong suit, but the reality is that having a child who can’t entertain himself is exhausting.
Perhaps the most challenging aspect is hearing his heart-wrenching cries of, “No one will play with me.” Those words pierce my heart, and guilt washes over me. I don’t want to feel guilty. I have perfectly valid reasons for not being able to join him: chores, work obligations, phone calls, preparing dinner, and even trying to locate my missing sanity. However, when my beloved son looks so forlorn and is only asking for someone to play with, it’s difficult to shake off the heavy burden of mom guilt.
I’ve attempted to introduce activities that foster his independence, such as coloring, Play-Doh, puzzles, and building blocks. He enjoys these activities, but after a few moments, he’s quick to ask, “Mom, will you play with me?” and “Not right now, honey” is not an answer he’s willing to accept. He doesn’t understand that sometimes I need a moment to breathe, nor can he grasp that playing alone can actually be quite enjoyable. You can do whatever you want without anyone else’s interference. No need to share or take turns—what’s not to love?
Unfortunately, all of that is lost on him; he’s just a little boy who prefers company, and that’s tough on both of us. I engage with him as much as possible. We play together frequently, endure long conversations with stuffed animals, toss balls back and forth, and embark on imaginative adventures. I do this because I adore him, and he actively seeks my attention. Even after being a mom for nearly five years, it’s still difficult to turn down your child’s request for your presence when there are pressing matters that demand my attention.
I want him to know he is loved and that he’s a fun companion. I invest time in playing with him, but I also need him to learn how to enjoy his own company. To think independently. To explore activities alone and discover the joy that comes with a bit of autonomy. However, teaching a toddler to appreciate solitary play isn’t straightforward. How do you instill the notion of fun in being by oneself when they are used to having a playmate around constantly? When all you crave is someone to share laughs with, how do you find contentment in solitude?
I recognize the importance of fostering independent play. I understand that I can’t always drop everything to join him in a sword fight. I know his sister deserves her space, and I can’t compel her to play with him. But how do you navigate the guilt of telling your child you’re too busy to engage? I haven’t found that answer yet. I’m still searching for balance. I hope to discover it soon because, honestly, I’m not sure how much longer I can endure playing with these blocks.
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In summary, while it’s understandable that my son struggles with playing alone due to his close relationship with his sister, it’s a challenge that weighs heavily on me as a parent. Finding the right balance between engaging with him and encouraging his independence remains a work in progress.