Every morning, I find myself pausing to recall the day of the week so I can navigate my family’s hectic extracurricular schedule. While one of my kids is eager to dive into every opportunity available — currently basketball and Scouts, with requests for soccer and flag football — my oldest son, Caleb, would rather avoid group activities altogether. His reluctance began early; he tried taekwondo and basketball for just a few weeks before he started dragging his feet when it was time to leave for practice.
Initially, I felt a wave of frustration. I worried about the money we spent on activities he wasn’t committed to. Was he socially awkward? Would this mean he’d struggle to commit to future endeavors? Would he end up living in my basement at 30, eating chips in a stained T-shirt? Yes, I have my moments of overthinking.
However, after taking a step back and observing Caleb more closely, I realized he was perfectly fine. He isn’t antisocial or maladjusted; he simply prefers to engage in activities that don’t involve a team. Unlike his younger brother, he’s not inclined to join every club or sport that comes his way, and that’s okay.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I recognized that I was similar. I attended one Girl Scouts meeting and quickly decided that it wasn’t for me. The idea of regular meetings filled me with dread, and I didn’t participate in any clubs again until high school, where I joined the Spanish Club solely for the field trip. Yet, I turned out just fine (just ask my mom; I don’t live in her basement).
Some children thrive on social interactions and the competition that team sports provide, and that’s the kind of busy, enriching childhood we often idealize. But what happens when a child isn’t interested in those activities? Should we pressure them to join, even if it makes them unhappy? I once came across a quote that struck a chord with me: “Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive.” Our kids deserve peace as much as we do. If participating in an activity brings them joy, that’s wonderful. But if it causes anxiety, the cost far exceeds the enrollment fees.
I trust Caleb’s instincts. He prefers one-on-one instruction or solo activities, and I’ve learned to embrace that. If he ever wants to try something new, I’m fully supportive, but I won’t push him. In today’s digital age, there are numerous ways to explore interests without the pressure of group settings. For instance, he recently joined an online Minecraft club through his school, and he’s thriving in his “natural element” without the stress of being in a crowded room.
While I want my son to be well-rounded, my priority is his happiness. If that means I don’t get to cheer for him from the bleachers or celebrate his talents at a public event, I’m perfectly okay with it. I wholeheartedly support his pursuit of joy in whatever form it takes — even if it’s just him sporting a Minecraft T-shirt.
For those navigating similar paths, it’s essential to remember that every child has their own unique preferences and strengths. Seeking out activities that align with their interests can lead to a more fulfilling experience.
In summary, it’s important to recognize and celebrate the individuality of our children. Whether they prefer solo activities or team sports, what matters most is their happiness and comfort. From online clubs to individual pursuits, there are countless ways for them to engage with the world while staying true to themselves.