Updated: Dec. 18, 2023
Originally Published: Dec. 20, 2021
We haven’t introduced the concept of Santa Claus to my four-year-old daughter yet. She’s come across tales of Santa and St. Nicholas in various books, and she notices the festive decorations in our neighborhood. My partner takes her to church, shows her the nativity scene, and they open an Advent calendar together each day, so we’re not totally skipping the holiday traditions. However, the narrative that Santa is a real being who comes down chimneys on Christmas Eve? That’s not happening in our household. We’ve made it clear: Santa is a fictional character.
I believe in being transparent with my kids. They should feel free to ask questions and receive honest answers, without any vague metaphors or misleading statements like “Santa lives in our hearts.” We also avoid euphemisms about death, and despite my partner’s religious beliefs, we won’t delve into concepts like heaven or other mystical elements of faith. There are plenty of genuine stories of kindness and generosity during the holiday season that we can share to encourage these values in her. After all, there will be many innocent childhood beliefs that will fade over time, including the idea that parents are always perfect or that adults are inherently selfless.
I personally don’t think the enchantment of believing in Santa is worth the eventual disappointment when children discover the truth. I don’t equate “believing in Santa” with innocence, and I certainly don’t want to set my daughter up for disillusionment.
That said, I understand that different families have their own traditions, and it’s a relatively minor disagreement when compared to larger issues like vaccination or gun ownership. I’ve explained to my daughter that some children believe in Santa, and she should respect that belief without trying to convince them otherwise. She seemed to understand, but at four years old, who really knows? She also claims to have magic powers in her belly.
However, this difference in perspective can get complicated when parents become upset with other kids for revealing the truth about Santa. A recent article in a prominent publication featured a mother whose third-grader was disillusioned by a classmate. The child was understandably upset to learn that Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny aren’t real.
The mother expressed her frustration towards the child who spoke the truth: “I wanted to express my anger inappropriately, but instead, I reached out to the other child’s mother, suggesting that while I understood their family’s beliefs, it might be considerate to keep those views private, especially during the holidays.”
The thing is, my family’s understanding of reality is, in fact, reality. I don’t believe it’s my daughter’s job to uphold a fantasy for someone else’s child.
The mother continued to blame the teacher for not controlling the situation: “Ben’s teacher faced backlash as many parents felt she should have managed the spread of these revelations.”
While you can share all the fairy tales you want at home, it’s unreasonable to expect other children to participate in your family’s illusions. It’s simply unfair to hold kids responsible for maintaining your fantasies. How long do you expect this charade to last? Until they’re eight? Nine? Forty-three? How long should we all keep up the pretense for your child?
This is why we don’t share sensitive information like our bank passwords or our true feelings about relatives with kids—they can’t be trusted to keep secrets. Sooner or later, a child will inevitably let the cat out of the bag. Being upset about something that’s bound to happen is a waste of energy. If your child is truly distraught over this revelation, perhaps you should reflect on your role in the situation.
Young children often blur the lines between make-believe and reality. My daughter’s friend, Mia, once told her that a dragon visits their home at night and steals cookies. They’ve spun this tale back and forth, each time adding more outrageous details about the dragon’s antics. While they may both acknowledge that dragons aren’t real, their imaginative play is enriching and entertaining. I hope they continue to share stories and foster their friendship for a long time. That’s the kind of imaginative life I can support.
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Summary:
This article discusses a family’s choice to not introduce their children to the concept of Santa Claus, emphasizing transparency and honesty in parenting. While acknowledging the cultural significance of Santa, the author argues against holding children responsible for maintaining the fantasy for others. The piece also highlights the importance of imaginative play in children’s lives.