Updated: April 25, 2019
Originally Published: April 24, 2019
It seems that everywhere I go with my toddler, there are people eager to reach out and touch her. Whether we’re in a grocery store or at the park, adults and older children alike are drawn to her like moths to a flame. Imagine a little bundle of joy, just 2.5 feet tall, with sparkling eyes and a contagious giggle. It’s hard not to want to scoop her up for a quick hug, right?
But here’s the important distinction: my daughter is a human being, deserving of the same bodily autonomy now that she will need as she grows into a tween, a teenager, and eventually an adult. This means I’m not just teaching her to drink from a cup but also how to assert her right to say no to unwanted physical contact, even from those who love her. Thankfully, “no” is a word that toddlers can express quite effectively.
It’s well-documented that when people see cute babies, their brains release dopamine—the same chemical that surges when we experience love or pleasure. This reaction also applies to adorable baby animals, as seen in various corners of the Internet. As a result, parents often find themselves acting as gatekeepers, constantly intervening to protect their infants from a flurry of eager hands.
However, as children grow and become more mobile, the urge to touch often diminishes. Perhaps it’s the constant motion of toddlers or the fact that they usually have sticky fingers and runny noses. For my first two children, I noticed this natural decline in physical interaction, which was a welcome relief as their independence grew.
My youngest daughter, however, is different. Despite being fully mobile, she actively engages with everyone around her, smiling and shouting “Hi!” or “High five!” This charming behavior has a magnetic effect, making it hard for people to resist reaching out. With her soft, satin-like skin, it’s no wonder she draws attention. But just because she’s delightful doesn’t mean she’s an object to be touched at will.
Toddlers are not toys or pets; they are individuals who have the right to determine who hugs, pets, or tickles them. They may need help with bathing or diaper changes, but they can communicate their desire for physical affection, and that “no” should be respected just like it would be from an adult.
This concept may seem strict or overly cautious, but it’s crucial for teaching children about boundaries. Even the most well-meaning friends and family members need to learn that consent is vital, even when it comes to their own loved ones. My husband, my older kids, and I have had to adapt our behaviors to allow our daughter the space to express her comfort levels. We are getting better at waiting for her signals, acknowledging her wishes when she says “no” or “stop.”
If we desire our children to be advocates for their own bodies as they grow, we must start respecting their personal space from an early age. This way, when the hugs they offer are freely given, they will be even more cherished.
Let’s make an effort to be more mindful about how we interact with toddlers. When love is shared willingly, it becomes all the more meaningful.
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In summary, it’s essential to respect a toddler’s right to their personal space, even amidst their adorable charm. Teaching them about consent and boundaries from an early age will empower them as they grow.