Letting go of your expectations and fears.
by Lisa Carter
April 1, 2022
When my eldest started high school, he made it abundantly clear that he disliked school. He had no intention of pursuing further education along the traditional college route. It became a challenge just to get him to complete the necessary work to graduate from high school.
This situation was incredibly tough for me. My ex-partner and I both earned our Bachelor’s Degrees, and we always assumed our children would follow in our footsteps. I had a fantastic college experience that opened many professional doors for me. I loved writing and knew early on that I wanted to be a writer, and thankfully, I’m still utilizing that degree. I wanted the same opportunities for my children and worried that without a college diploma, my son would be limited in his career options. (Although I was aware that many of my peers from Generation X chose careers completely different from their studies and are still struggling with student loan debt.) It can be disheartening for parents to hear their kids express a lack of interest in college. I was concerned about the stigma of having a child who didn’t want to attend college. What would others think? Would they judge me for not encouraging him to go?
However, when I allowed him the freedom to make his own choices and witnessed him thrive, my fears dissipated quickly. He decided to pursue a trade and is now content working as a plumber. I was anxious, certainly, but I found a way to move past it. Here’s how you can too:
- It’s their life, not yours.
We all want the best for our kids, and sometimes we mistakenly believe that means providing them with the same opportunities we had or those we missed. I had to remind myself that my son is a unique individual with his own set of interests and learning style. My goal is to support who he is, not the person I envision he should become. - They can always go later.
Many young adults need time to discover what they truly want to do before committing to college. I know someone who graduated high school in 2000 and just recently completed her dental hygiene degree. She is incredibly happy she waited. - Forcing them may lead to resentment.
I recall many students at my college who were there against their will. They felt trapped by their parents’ expectations and were miserable. - They can still lead fulfilling lives without a degree.
Numerous career paths don’t require a college education. I know an entrepreneur who is a self-taught hair stylist with a salon that has a six-month waiting list. My cousin enlisted in the military, while my son is learning plumbing, which promises a lucrative future. The possibilities are vast, and success is not limited to those with degrees. - They gain the freedom to explore.
It’s comforting to know that these careers come without the burden of hefty college debt, allowing them the flexibility to try different things without the pressure of financial strain—unlike many of my friends still managing their student loans.
Hearing your child express disinterest in college can be painful, but it’s important to remember that this journey is about them and their future. They deserve the autonomy to make their own choices, and our role as parents is to support that.
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Search Queries:
- Why doesn’t my child want to go to college?
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In summary, adjusting to the reality that your child may not want to pursue a college education can be challenging, but it’s crucial to recognize their individuality and support their choices. Embracing their path can lead to fulfillment for both you and your child.