Let me clarify: I am not an authority on this topic; I lack a prestigious degree from an Ivy League institution. However, I grew up in a household where one member harbored a hatred so intense it manifested as deadly violence. Therefore, I offer my perspective as the result of a twenty-two-year observation.
What Shaped My Brother?
I firmly believe that no one is born with an innate desire to harm others. Humans are inherently social beings, reliant on one another for survival. While some may have a genetic predisposition for aggression, our social interactions largely shape our behavior. So, why do some individuals commit heinous acts while others devote their lives to societal betterment?
I think the answer lies in attachment.
From as early as age three, Jesse was perceived as “different.” This was the year our father left, the same year I was born, and the moment our mother transitioned into single parenthood. Such events undoubtedly alter a person’s trajectory. As a parent of two young children, I can attest to the profound bonds we share; if I were to abandon them, it would deeply affect their sense of security and self-worth.
But would it lead them to develop an enduring hatred for others? I doubt it.
What if they faced similar patterns of abandonment over time? Increased isolation often correlates with diminished empathy towards a world that feels estranged. This was Jesse’s reality.
He was small, bullied, and never truly accepted by his peers. Diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome as a child, his tics made him stand out even more. As he grew, his behavior became increasingly problematic, fueled by mounting diagnoses. He found himself in altercations at school, consumed by anger and volatility. Unfortunately, he received little support; back then, the mentality was “kids will be kids.” In our affluent community, where academic success was the norm, Jesse felt like an outcast.
As he entered young adulthood, the pressure to meet our mother’s unwavering belief in him became overwhelming. Despite her love and encouragement, Jesse faced repeated failures. His mental health deteriorated, leading him to attempt suicide twice. Concurrently, he began to exhibit physical violence towards us and our surroundings.
Throughout middle school and beyond, I watched as society labeled my mother a failure and my brother less valuable for being different. Their struggles were compounded by a lack of support, leaving both feeling isolated and desperate. When Jesse was around 22, the strain forced him to leave home. Unfortunately, his time away led him to a turbulent military career, which ended abruptly as his mental health issues surfaced. Upon returning home, he felt even more disconnected and frustrated.
In a tragic culmination of years of feeling unworthy and detached, Jesse ultimately took our mother’s life. Individuals like him often lash out at strangers, demonstrating their pain in devastating ways. This is where profound hatred arises.
Changing the Narrative
So, how can we change this narrative?
While the responsibility for these terrible acts lies with the perpetrators, we can all contribute to fostering love over hate. Isolation and anger are common emotions, yet some individuals choose to externalize their pain through violence. Society must do more than legislate gun control; it must also address the underlying emotional and psychological issues at play.
This is about love. Regardless of belief systems or social standings, it’s our collective responsibility to support those in distress. By fostering a sense of belonging and connection, we can combat the seeds of hatred.
As the Red Hot Chili Peppers sing, “Red, black or white, This is my fight, Come on courage, Let’s be heard, Turn feelings, Into words.” We must create dialogues that allow everyone to feel acknowledged and accepted. Only then can we hope to see hatred diminish. Until we can open our hearts, let’s stay safe out there.
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Summary
The author reflects on the tragic murder of their mother by their brother, exploring the roots of hatred and violence stemming from a lack of connection and support. The narrative emphasizes the need for empathy and community engagement to prevent such tragedies, advocating for love and understanding across all societal divides.