Rape is not always what you envision. It doesn’t always unfold in a dark alley, where a stranger exploits another person without consent. It doesn’t have to be violent, nor does it always involve alcohol or a predatory stranger. Sometimes, it occurs at the hands of those we trust the most—like your best friend.
I know this all too well.
Not long ago, I was a new mother, confined to my home for months, craving the taste of a cocktail and the joy of laughter and dancing with friends. My husband encouraged me to take a night off, promising to handle our baby’s bedtime routine. Grateful for the chance to escape the exhaustion of parenthood, I ventured out with my closest friends, pretending we were young and carefree again.
We drank, danced, and reminisced, joyful in each other’s company. By the end of the night, I was unable to drive, and my best guy friend offered to take my car to my girlfriend’s house. This was someone I had known since my teens; he had been my confidant and protector for years. Surely, I could trust him.
When my partner and I celebrated our wedding, this friend was there, but he seemed emotionally distant. I assumed it was due to his relationship troubles, dismissing it at the time. Fast forward to years later, and I awoke in an unfamiliar room, devoid of my clothes, next to someone I thought I could trust. It hit me—his emotional withdrawal during my wedding wasn’t about his girlfriend; it was about me.
He had viewed me not as a friend but as his possession. When I married, I had become off-limits, and when presented with the opportunity, he crossed a line that would leave lasting scars on my life. I woke to the stench of vomit in my hair and the taste of whiskey on my lips, grasping the reality that I had been assaulted by someone I considered family.
Returning home was a nightmare. I felt filthy, ashamed, and utterly betrayed. How could I face my husband while harboring such a heavy secret? I couldn’t confide in anyone; I was too humiliated and frightened. I became aware of the stigma surrounding sexual assault, knowing that people would label me a cheater, a slut, or worse. I didn’t want to fit the stereotype of the victim.
It took me time to articulate what happened, but now I can say it clearly: my best friend assaulted me. When someone violates you in such a manner, it is a crime. This is not an exaggeration; it’s the painful truth. I did not ask for it or put myself in danger by getting a ride from someone I trusted.
Rape is not an accident; it isn’t a minor mistake. It is a deliberate, malicious act. It’s a horrifying reality that many face, and it’s time we stop placing blame on victims. Instead, we must acknowledge the truth: rape is inexcusable and unforgivable.
We may feel let down by our justice system, but we can choose to support one another. Let’s stop perpetuating the narrative that victims are at fault. If you want to learn more about home insemination options or family planning, consider visiting resources such as Make a Mom or March of Dimes for excellent advice. Furthermore, this couple tried at-home insemination before IUI and got their BFP, highlighting the importance of understanding your options.
In summary, we must call out rape for what it is and stop blaming those who suffer from it. It’s time to change the conversation.