Parenting
My Baby Is Amazing—It’s Everyone Else Who’s the Challenge
by Emily Carter
Updated: April 14, 2020
Originally Published: Feb. 10, 2020
Becoming a mother felt like second nature to me. Just hours after my son arrived, something clicked within me, and I instinctively knew what to do. Throughout my pregnancy, I had worried about my maternal instincts, anxious that I would struggle to care for my little one and fearing I would fail from the very start. Fortunately, that was far from the reality.
Understanding his cries, pushing through the fatigue, and recognizing when he was hungry, happy, tired, or upset—these instincts came naturally, and I embraced motherhood with ease. However, I soon realized that I had lost sight of myself and how to juggle the various aspects of my life.
One of the biggest challenges I’ve faced has been managing the expectations of others while maintaining my relationships outside of motherhood. Although I enjoy a harmonious existence with my son, every other facet of my life has taken a hit.
The first hurdle was my family. My son quickly became the focal point of many relatives, and allowing them to engage with him often meant sidelining my own comfort and happiness. I found myself entertaining visitors in the hospital while recovering from childbirth, handing him over to family members I barely knew, and even keeping my cool when people brought unexpected guests to meet him—my new reality involved sharing my life with everyone else.
Next came the scrutiny surrounding my parenting choices: how I fed him, dressed him, where I took him, and my approach to his sleep routines all drew judgment. As I asserted my role as a protective mother, I often felt criticized and isolated. I was no longer seen as an accomplished journalist and activist; instead, I was just a mother, defined solely by my new role.
Societal expectations added another layer of complexity. Strangers would stop me on the street to touch my son, often responding negatively when I asked them not to. I faced questioning over my decision to formula feed and criticism of my responses. Some even attempted to interfere with his sling, claiming it was unsafe to carry him that way. I’ve been judged for opting for baby-led weaning, choosing gender-neutral clothing, and holding him close to avoid separation anxiety. This constant scrutiny made me feel defensive and anxious whenever I left my home.
While I’ve been fortunate with my friendships, my social life has drastically changed. My friends provide essential support, offering babysitting, emotional encouragement, and care packages to help me feel seen. Yet, I often feel overwhelmed by parenting demands, struggling to carve out time for myself. The guilt of hiring a babysitter weighs on me, I forget to respond to messages, and my phone remains silent because “Shh, the baby is sleeping.”
Motherhood has created a protective bubble around me. Although I still catch up with friends occasionally, weeks seem to fly by. In a life where finding time to shower is a challenge, social outings become low on my list of priorities.
I work from home in a high-pressure job that often feels confrontational and demanding. My career is deeply tied to my identity, fueling my passion and supporting our lifestyle. But balancing a job requiring intense mental engagement with the reality of sleepless nights is a significant challenge—one small mistake could risk my professional reputation.
My instinct is to prioritize time with my son, but life demands more than just nurturing that bond. Bills need to be paid, groceries must be bought, and, as we all know, raising a child can be costly. Striking a balance between my professional responsibilities, being present for my son, and overcoming the guilt that comes from leaving him with a nanny (even if I’m just in the next room) is a constant struggle. It feels impossible to maintain happiness in both spheres, yet finding a way to harmonize them has been a challenge since I returned to work just four days after giving birth.
The relationship with my partner has also required careful navigation. In just nine months, I transformed from a carefree, adventurous woman into a sleep-deprived, overwhelmed mother. After months of pelvic rest during pregnancy and the postpartum recovery that followed, my body felt foreign to me.
I often feel disconnected from my sense of sexuality, identifying more as a caregiver than as a partner. This, combined with the overwhelming changes that come with parenting, leaves little room to nurture my relationship. The vibrant, passionate person I once was has been replaced by a tired, slightly frazzled mother who would rather sleep than engage in intimacy after a long day of caring for my little one.
Eight months in, and I’m still navigating these daily struggles. The most significant lesson I’ve learned is that while babies can be straightforward, the real challenge of motherhood lies in remembering who you were before this little being changed your world.
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In summary, while motherhood can feel overwhelming due to external pressures, it’s essential to find balance and reconnect with oneself amidst the chaos.