My mother used to refer to our constant fretting as “free-floaters,” a playful term that perfectly captured the relentless worry we both experienced. I would obsess over the tiny bump on my wrist, convinced it was a rare tumor that could strike down 13-year-olds. Every scratch from our cat sent me spiraling into fears of cat scratch fever. An hour’s delay from a friend? Surely they had met a tragic fate in a car accident rather than just being stuck in traffic.
Yes, I am that person who anticipates disaster at every turn, who drives back home to check if the toaster is unplugged, and who avoids aspirin due to the lingering fear of Reye’s syndrome—even though that threat has long passed. I’ll even check my pulse obsessively, wondering if I might have a heart arrhythmia or some other condition. When my kids were infants, I took precautions so far as to strap myself to their stroller. Clearly, I’m not exactly in the best mental space.
Yet, it seems that my anxiety might be a sign of something more. According to research highlighted by Slate, various studies suggest that individuals like me—those prone to anxiety—may possess higher intelligence than those who navigate life without such worries. For example, a study from Lakehead University in Ontario found that students with higher anxiety levels scored better on verbal intelligence tests. Similarly, a study from SUNY Downstate Medical Center indicated that individuals with severe generalized anxiety disorder tend to have a higher IQ than those with milder symptoms.
This leads to an intriguing question: Does intelligence breed anxiety, or does anxiety fuel intelligence? One possibility is that constant worrying heightens awareness and attention, enhancing learning capabilities and resulting in greater intelligence. Alternatively, perhaps the flood of intelligent thoughts racing through my mind contributes to my anxiety. Personally, I lean towards the latter explanation.
Regardless, I find a sense of relief from the nagging shame of sending my partner numerous texts when I don’t hear from him for an hour, or rushing to my doctor over a peculiar rib protrusion, or coating my children in enough insect repellent to harm a small animal, all out of fear of diseases like West Nile virus. It appears that my mind simply cannot be silenced. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to dive back into “Remembrance of Things Past” before I check on my kids at recess—just to ensure they’re safe from any potential bullying. But first, let me check my pulse.
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In summary, while my anxiety may seem burdensome, it might also be a factor in my intellectual capacity. Embracing this aspect of myself can help alleviate some of the guilt I carry about my constant worrying.