Have you ever stepped inside a psychiatric ward? If not, let me describe it for you. The walls are painted in a dull, neutral off-white. Each room is stripped of anything that could be used as a weapon—no electrical cords, thin sheets, shoes, or even pencils. In the corner sits a television encased in thick plastic. The mattresses are covered in plastic, and patients are given paper-thin scrubs instead of their regular clothes.
Now, picture an 8-year-old child. Imagine that this child grew inside you for nine months, making you a mother. One evening, her demeanor shifts dramatically, and there she is, standing atop the couch wielding a knife about the size of your forearm.
Contrary to what some might think, my daughter hasn’t faced abuse. She wasn’t left to manage her own emotions as an infant. Every scrape was treated with care and affection. Her meals range from macaroni and cheese to Spaghetti-Os. I don’t expect her to call me “mother dearest” or ask her to clean the kitchen floor with a toothbrush.
My daughter is intelligent, having surpassed several reading milestones. Her ability to empathize is remarkable; when her ailing great-grandfather began to lose his sight, she cared for him with a tenderness that’s rare for her age.
So, why do I feel such overwhelming guilt for seeking help that I can no longer provide? If a child falls ill with pneumonia or measles, parents aren’t judged for hospitalizing them. So why is mental illness treated differently, especially when it’s invisible?
As mothers, we instinctively want to “fix” what’s wrong. Every day, I anxiously glance at the clock, waiting for one of the three scheduled times to talk to her. I can’t relax; I pace for hours, wondering what version of my daughter I’ll encounter. Will she be angry with me or sob uncontrollably, begging to come home?
Can you imagine telling your child they can’t return home? I live in a state of constant anxiety, unable to think about anything other than that little person I can’t heal. Is she eating well? Are the nurses treating her kindly? Not only have I entrusted my child to others, but the ongoing pandemic prevents me from visiting her to offer any familiar comfort.
I feel the words I long to express piling up in my chest, the pressure so intense it’s hard to breathe. When I finally write, I choose each word like a delicate pearl, carefully crafting them until they form a true reflection of my feelings.
Strength returns, if only temporarily, as I reassure her during our calls that she is deeply loved and that our goal is to help calm the storm raging within her. Well-meaning family members suggest brain scans and blood tests. Their rapid-fire questions about her stay and medication changes threaten to push me over the precarious edge I’m balancing upon.
Mental illness is not straightforward. There isn’t always a clear “trigger.” Searching for a diagnosis often only serves to ease our own minds. Medications aren’t one-size-fits-all; even if something alleviates the symptoms, it cannot provide a cure.
This emotional tempest shakes the very ground we stand on. Cracks are starting to form, and I fear that one day, she won’t be the only one swept away by this hurricane.
For more insights on this topic, check out one of our other blog posts at home insemination kit. If you’re seeking authoritative information, Intracervical Insemination can provide valuable resources, and NHS’s guide on pregnancy and home insemination is an excellent reference.
Search Queries:
- What to expect in a psychiatric facility for children?
- How to cope with guilt as a parent of a child in a psychiatric ward?
- Signs your child may need psychiatric care.
- Understanding mental health treatment for children.
- How to support a child with mental illness from a distance.
Summary:
The piece explores the emotional turmoil of a mother whose 8-year-old daughter is an in-patient at a psychiatric care facility. It addresses the societal stigma surrounding mental illness, the mother’s feelings of guilt and helplessness, and the challenges of caring for a child in emotional distress. The narrative emphasizes the complexity of mental health issues and the deep love that motivates the search for professional help.