When I ask my newly turned 5-year-old, Leo, “What letter is this?” he furrows his brow in thought. “It’s an E,” he asserts, before returning to his toys. “Actually, it’s a Z, Leo,” I correct gently. “It’s the last letter of the alphabet.” You might think this would be significant news. “Okay, Mama,” he replies casually.
Meanwhile, I’m reading with my 6-year-old, Max. We’re diving into a chapter of Alice in Wonderland, alternating paragraphs. He occasionally stumbles on words, yet he does surprisingly well at sounding them out. He tends to make more errors with familiar words than with unfamiliar ones. We’ve already breezed through Peter Pan. As a parent, I prioritize high-quality literature and strive to select books that suit Max’s reading level and attention span.
Then there’s Leo. Max was reciting his letters by age three, thanks to his fascination with educational apps. Leo, on the other hand, seems to have a different agenda. I’ve tried countless strategies to help him learn his letters—from letter stamps to drawing activities. We experimented with Getting Ready for the Code and circled back to Hooked on Phonics, which included crafting projects like transforming pipe cleaners and egg cartons into letters. We’ve constructed octopuses adorned with hats for the letter O and glued buttons to paper to form letter Bs. We’ve read every alphabet book I could find.
But nothing seemed to stick. Day in and day out, he struggled to remember what we covered the previous day. While Max was racing through Frog and Toad and advancing to chapter books, Leo couldn’t even recall the letter A, let alone its sound or how to spell his name.
After all the crafts, videos, and sleepless nights filled with worry and regret, I finally took a moment to breathe, look at Leo, and accept the situation. Children grow and learn at their own pace, and my two sons exemplify this beautifully. Max’s advanced skills are just as unusual as Leo’s slower progress. Historically, children didn’t enter kindergarten knowing their letters; I remember singing catchy tunes about “Mr. M with the munching mouth” to help other kids learn about M. Countries like Finland wait until age 7 for reading instruction, and they rank impressively high in literacy, as noted by the latest PISA report. Leo is quite normal for his age on a global scale.
In recent years, the expectation for children to enter kindergarten with reading skills has shifted. The focus has moved to preschools, where learning letters and basic words has taken precedence over play. This is one of the reasons we opted for homeschooling. Early childhood should be about exploration and fun, not confined to a desk. Leo didn’t attend preschool; instead, he spent his time constructing forts with his brothers, bringing plastic dinosaurs to life, and enjoying storytime. If Finland teaches us anything, it’s that this playful exploration is precisely what Leo needs.
Whenever I feel a twinge of anxiety, I recall a friend who was radically unschooled. He didn’t learn to read until he was 10 and ended up teaching himself using the works of Charles Dickens. He successfully pursued higher education and now thrives in his dream job.
Things are looking up for Leo. We’ve discovered a reading program that he enjoys and seems to retain. He can now consistently recognize the first five letters of the alphabet and articulate their sounds. At his current pace, he should master all the letters within a couple of months. Following that, the program will introduce phonetic sounds. I anticipate that we won’t be able to dive into a structured reading program—where we string sounds into words—until he turns 6.
He may be the last reader in our homeschool group, but I’m confident he will catch up eventually. Research shows that late readers perform just as well as those who learn early. I sometimes face familial pressure to ensure he knows more, especially when discussing his progress with anyone outside the homeschooling community. But Leo is perfectly fine. He seems unfazed by it all; it’s often me who needs to take a deep breath.
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In summary, every child’s learning journey is unique. While my younger son may not yet know his letters, that’s perfectly alright. With patience and the right approach, he will eventually find his way, just like so many before him.