It’s not uncommon for my daughter to sneak out of bed to ask me questions when she ought to be asleep. What caught me off guard, however, were the weighty inquiries she began to pose:
- “Can two boys marry each other?”
- “What happens when we die?”
- “Is there a way to return here after passing?”
- “Do we have bones in heaven?”
At just 4 years old, I had mistakenly thought I had a few more years before tackling such profound topics.
On one hand, I delight in her curiosity and intellect. It’s a true blessing that she is pondering such deep matters, and she seems to think I possess all the answers. This not only highlights her intelligence but also reflects the trust she places in me. I envision our future conversations, perhaps sitting on the porch, musing about current events and the mysteries of space over coffee someday.
Yet, on the other hand, I feel overwhelmed by her questions. I worry about giving her an incorrect answer, leading her down a path of confusion, anxiety, or worse. The prospect of her ending up in a cult terrifies me.
When kids start asking the big questions, the responsibility to respond thoughtfully weighs heavily. Of course, I want to provide the best answers I can. So, while I can confirm that two boys can indeed marry, I’m uncertain about the existence of bones in an afterlife. I’ve identified three potential approaches to her inquiries.
1. Share My Personal Beliefs
I could share my personal beliefs. Since she’s growing up in my household, it feels natural for her to understand what I believe and why. However, this raises concerns about indoctrination. I want her to know my views, yet I also aspire for her to develop her own beliefs and challenge norms rather than simply accept what her parents teach. This balance is delicate, and I often question my ability to maintain it.
2. Admit, “I Don’t Know”
Another option is to simply admit, “I don’t know.” This approach reveals my imperfections and shows her that I don’t possess all the answers. I think it’s beneficial for her to see me as a flawed human. However, I also enjoy the sense of being a larger-than-life figure in her eyes. It won’t be long before she recognizes my uncertainty, and I want to savor this phase where I can fix everything with a Popsicle for just a little while longer. Thus, the “I dunno” route feels uncomfortable.
3. Ask Her What She Thinks
The final method, which I find most appealing, is to ask her what she thinks. At her age, she’s unlikely to feel pressured, and I’m genuinely curious about her thoughts without external influences. This allows her to explore her own ideas while relieving me of the burden of knowing everything. In this space, I can listen more than I speak—a dynamic I hope to foster throughout her development.
I may not have the right answers to most of her questions, and the beauty of being her mom is that I don’t need to. My role is not to have all the answers but to guide her in thinking independently and standing firm in her beliefs, regardless of opposition. And yes, I’ll admit I still have moments of panic, especially with concerns like the cult thing.
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In summary, navigating my daughter’s existential questions is both a challenge and a gift. While I may not know all the answers, I relish the opportunity to foster her independent thinking.