Updated: Aug. 12, 2023
Originally Published: May 6, 2023
My son isn’t your typical moody pre-teen adorned with piercings and ink. Instead, he’s a kind-hearted 12-year-old fascinated by superheroes and sports. So, what led to the sudden decision to shave his head?
Jake has always preferred shorter hairstyles. He admires military personnel and relishes the ease of not having to comb his hair. Whenever it’s time for a trim, he asks the barber for a “one buzz, please.” I often find myself frantically signaling the barber, mouthing “not too short” while shaking my head in dismay. For some time, Jake had been urging us to allow him to shave his head. In his mind, it seemed like a remarkable idea, and he countered our parental wisdom with his own logic:
- “You always say a bad haircut isn’t a big deal.”
- “It’s my head; why can’t I shave it?”
- And the classic refrain from children everywhere: “You never let me do anything I want!”
My partner, Mark, recalled his own childhood tussles over hair with his father, which complicated our decision. Back then, it was Mark’s longer hair that his dad opposed, insisting on a crew cut. He promised himself that when the day came that he had a son, he wouldn’t engage in hair disputes. He aimed to be the laid-back dad who embraced any hairstyle.
Thus, Mark suggested we let Jake go ahead and shave his head. His rationale? Small acts of rebellion are harmless for kids. This would be a chance for Jake to realize that not everything he desires is as thrilling as he imagines. It was an experiment in parenting. I just tried to avert my eyes as the clumps of soft brown hair slipped away from my little boy’s head.
Initially, Jake reveled in the thrill of showing off his bald head to friends, basking in their astonishment at his audacity. He felt like the “kid whose parents let him do anything.” Meanwhile, I cringed, knowing that others might view me as the parent lacking control. However, Jake soon discovered that being bald came with its drawbacks.
Strangers glanced at his head, speculating about some unfortunate medical condition. Girls began to annoy him—at this age, girls are often seen as bothersome—asking if they could touch his smooth scalp. Surprisingly, he felt cold all the time. With one swift buzz of the clippers, Jake transitioned from wearing shorts and flip-flops to bundling up like it was winter. He started layering sweatshirts and carrying his baseball cap everywhere. Just days into his new look, the novelty was already fading. Thank goodness!
From the outset, Mark planned to let Jake have this small victory, with the hope that we’d prevail in the long run. He believed that allowing this minor rebellion would satisfy Jake’s urge to challenge boundaries. I was less optimistic; I didn’t think a shaved head would deter him from seeking out late-night adventures, trying out substances, or begging to drive my car in the future. But for now, it seems to have worked—at least for this week.
This week, Jake has stopped pestering us about things he’s not permitted to do. He was given the chance to make a significant choice and doesn’t seem eager to take on more responsibility. He spread his wings but has returned to the nest for warmth. The adult decisions he made haven’t quite played out as he envisioned, which was precisely what we hoped for.
Taking this small risk in parenting—a cosmetic one with no lasting consequences—has turned out favorably. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that every adult who sees Jake’s bald head might be wondering what kind of parents we are. However, we hope he’s learned a valuable lesson. As he matures, there will be plenty of opportunities to explore his independence and face the outcomes. After all, hair grows back.
For more insights on parenting and the journey of self-discovery, check out this blog post. If you’re curious about gender predictions for your upcoming arrival, this resource can help. Additionally, for comprehensive information on fertility and pregnancy, Hopkins Medicine offers excellent resources.
In summary, this experience with Jake’s shaved head has underscored the importance of allowing children to make choices, even when they seem trivial. It serves as a reminder that every decision, no matter how small, shapes their understanding of responsibility and independence.