“I feel like I’m a superhero.” That single remark ignited a spirited debate at a family barbecue one summer afternoon. My partner, Jake, turned to me with wide, incredulous eyes, “Are you implying I do nothing?!” That was far from my intention.
It was a misunderstanding that left me feeling somewhat guilty. Why was he so hurt? The situation escalated quickly, with the men expressing feelings of being undervalued while the women voiced their exhaustion.
My point was straightforward. Jake—who is a caring, supportive, and engaged father—simply doesn’t juggle as many tasks in a single day as I do. This statement is not meant to belittle his contributions as a parent; it baffled me that he could interpret my “superhero” comment as a slight against his efforts.
The alarm blares at 6:15 a.m., pulling me from the meager five hours of sleep I managed to salvage. By 6:25 a.m., I’m frantically preparing breakfast while gathering my child’s school uniform and lunch box, having failed to prepare the night before. It feels as if time is on fast forward, a cruel joke played by the universe. I rush to get dressed, grabbing mismatched clothes in a futile attempt to look somewhat presentable. Meanwhile, I’m shouting at my daughter to put on her shoes and finish her breakfast for the third time. I take one last glance at her backpack to ensure I don’t send her off in a track suit again, a mix-up I’d rather avoid.
By 7:30 a.m., I’m bolting out the door, hair only partially styled, racing to the car to avoid being late to school. It’s a notable moment when the security guard congratulates me for arriving on time—keeping in mind I haven’t even started my workday yet.
Now, let’s compare this to Jake’s morning routine. He wakes up around 7:00 a.m., showers, dresses, spritzes on some cologne, and off he goes—quick and easy.
After a long day at work, I return home around 7 p.m. to a living room transformed into a play area, complete with dolls, paint, and my makeup strewn across the floor. Thankfully, dinner is prepared. It’s now been 13 hours since I woke up, and it feels like a continuous whirlwind. Even during my lunch break, I’m running errands. I hope my daughter has managed to finish her homework; instead, I find both her and Jake waiting for me to help.
By 9:15 p.m., I’m exhausted. I read her a bedtime story, lying next to her until she finally drifts off to sleep. Meanwhile, Jake is comfortably settled on the couch, immersed in Netflix (literally). I can’t recall the last time I watched anything on TV that wasn’t rated Y7.
We attempt to carve out some time for ourselves, but he happily heads to bed while I find a moment of solitude to regroup around midnight. I check emails, do some writing, browse the web, and meditate until I finally decide to call it a night at 1:30 a.m.
At 6:15 a.m., the cycle begins anew.
This may sound inconsiderate or lazy on Jake’s part, but that’s not the case. He picks our child up from school, plays with her, prepares dinner, and helps with homework most nights. If I raise my voice loud enough, he even tidies up before I return home. My feelings aren’t rooted in a lack of appreciation; rather, he enjoys significantly more quality time to himself, allowing him to pursue personal interests and self-care—while I juggle the identity of a superhero.
Moms take on a multitude of responsibilities because we feel an innate urge to ensure our children are cared for in every possible way. We strive to give 110% of ourselves, selflessly dedicating ourselves to our little ones, even as they grow older. As integral members of the workforce, we aim to excel in our careers, often pushing beyond our limits to achieve our aspirations. As partners, we seek nurturing, supportive relationships, while also wanting to maintain a clean and organized home (good luck with that). To top it all off, we desire a social life filled with understanding friends who lend an ear over a few glasses of wine.
We want it all and endeavor to do it all to the best of our capabilities, frequently neglecting our own needs in the process. Striking a balance among life’s many complexities can be daunting, tricky, and frankly, exhausting. So yes, we embody the notion of superheroes—not as a way to belittle anyone else in our lives, but as a recognition of the extraordinary feats we accomplish daily.
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In summary, mothers often find themselves shouldering more responsibilities than fathers, navigating the complexities of parenting, career, and personal well-being, while still striving to maintain balance in their lives.