I used to dream of being the ultimate mom—crafting, baking homemade treats, and planning enriching, sensory activities for my kids. Surely, experts who advocate for engaging, play-based learning must be onto something, right? I also aspired to look fabulous while doing it. Back then, I believed it was possible to be everything to my family. What’s a little sacrifice for the sake of being a supermom?
Now, I’ve done a complete turnaround. I’m often found in yesterday’s sweatpants and a stained tee, watching my child pick up a chicken leg off the floor—probably covered in dog hair. I can’t recall the last time I attempted a craft.
The pressure—both self-imposed and societal—connected to this “supermom” myth is overwhelming and leaves many mothers feeling inadequate, anxious, and guilty. This expectation not only affects moms but also gives some fathers an excuse to take it easy. Yes, we know not all dads fit this mold, but let’s be honest.
In my nearly four years of parenting, it’s become glaringly obvious that motherhood is laden with expectations yet sorely lacking in support. Even with a hands-on partner, the societal notion of what constitutes a “good mom” is harsh. From the instant a pregnancy test shows positive, mothers are compelled to sacrifice integral parts of their identities for the happiness of their children.
One early indication of the unrealistic standards placed on mothers is the prioritization of statements like “as long as the baby is healthy” during birth experiences. Having given birth to two children, I absolutely appreciate the significance of my child’s health. However, it’s crucial to find a balance between the safety of the newborn and the physical and emotional well-being of the mother. Birth is a significant physiological event, yet the support networks often rush to celebrate the newborn while leaving the mother to navigate postpartum struggles alone. Research indicates a link between birth-related pain and postpartum depression; it seems wise to ensure mothers receive adequate support during this transition.
Social media further intensifies the pressure to be the perfect mom. Platforms like Instagram and Facebook allow for constant scrutiny, documenting moments where mothers may fall short of these lofty expectations. We feel compelled to present an image of perfection—a picture-perfect home, stylish outfits, and constantly engaging outings—which can be incredibly damaging. At times, we witness parents being shamed online during their most vulnerable moments, often without context.
It seems we’ve collectively lost sight of the fact that parenting is a journey filled with trial and error. Everyone has their own definition of what makes a good mother, but few have scrutinized the contradictory and sexist divisions of labor that exist within parenthood. If a mother chooses to work, she’s often branded selfish; if she stays home, she’s criticized for lacking ambition. The reality is that neither choice is deemed satisfactory.
Conversely, fathers often enjoy a different experience. While they face their own challenges, society doesn’t subject them to the same degree of scrutiny. They are frequently praised simply for being present, while mothers are pressured to be everything and more.
The expectation for mothers to be flawless means that taking time for self-care is often viewed as a luxury we can’t afford. We’re told to “suck it up” because our children come first. The myth of the supermom insists we should be paragons of strength, yet when we express our struggles, we’re labeled unworthy of motherhood. Instead of allowing us to be vulnerable, society encourages us to drown our stress in wine, leaving us yearning for numbness rather than validation.
Motherhood should not limit our social and professional aspirations while our partners thrive independently. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the best for our kids, but let’s acknowledge the ever-increasing expectations placed on mothers today—especially single moms. It’s clear the world often cares more about what we can do for others rather than what we need for ourselves.
It’s time to abandon the myth of the supermom. It’s a fallacy that only serves to perpetuate the unfair division of labor in our homes and workplaces. We need to advocate for policies such as paid family leave, equitable pay, and affordable childcare to create a more parenting-friendly society.
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In summary, it’s essential to recognize the unrealistic expectations placed on mothers and advocate for support that acknowledges their needs.