This is what motherhood means to me. It may not resemble your version, nor does it align with the images presented in commercials, social media, or societal expectations. As parents, we are inundated with messages about what being a mother entails, how it should look, and what emotions it ought to evoke. These societal norms are so deeply embedded that we often overlook them, except when we find ourselves outside of that narrow definition.
On one hand, we elevate mothers to a lofty status, almost saint-like. On the other hand, we impose unrealistic standards, shaming and judging those who fall short. I have to admit, I feel a sense of relief once Mother’s Day passes. The days leading up to it—and the day itself—are filled with exaggerated portrayals of motherhood that can feel overwhelming.
Mother’s Day is a nuanced occasion, much like motherhood itself. While I am grateful for my wonderful mother, I recognize that many people experience strained relationships with theirs. There are mothers and children who are estranged from one another, individuals mourning the loss of their mothers, and mothers grieving their lost children. Some long for motherhood and find themselves in the throes of infertility treatments. For many, the day can be particularly challenging.
Sure, there are those who celebrate with lovely mothers and have delightful experiences on Mother’s Day, but the glossy pictures and sugary quotes don’t capture the intricacies of motherhood. I often think back to my first Mother’s Day, when I was battling postpartum depression and just wanted to ignore my new role, all while forcing a smile at a family gathering. I remember another Mother’s Day when I dozed off on the couch, drained from pregnancy hormones, just days before undergoing a D&C after another miscarriage. And I can’t forget the countless holidays spent in the limbo of fertility treatments.
Motherhood is indeed multifaceted, and for some, Mother’s Day can be incredibly challenging. Over the past decade of being a mother, I’ve come to realize that those idealized images of motherhood—like the ones showcased on Mother’s Day—aren’t what I resonate with. And that’s perfectly fine. Motherhood varies in appearance, experience, and meaning for each individual.
For me, this photo of my boys and me in our minivan on the way to school perfectly encapsulates what motherhood is. It’s not brunch or a picture-perfect day at the beach. There are no filtered photos or fancy outfits, just the three of us navigating our everyday lives. I believe my boys won’t remember a mom dressed up for brunch but rather a tired mom in yoga pants. They’ll recall our time together in our messy minivan, the conversations we had, the bickering, the apologies, and the hugs—all packed into those short car rides. They’ll remember me reminding them to “Be kind!” as they hop out of the car and asking them who they were kind to when they return.
This is what motherhood looks like to them, and it’s what I cherish. When I reflect on this time, I doubt I’ll think of gifts or cards. Instead, I’ll fondly remember the paper hearts my younger son decorated our home with and how my older son prompts me with, “Don’t you want to know whom I was kind to today?” if I forget to ask. I will treasure those simple moments of driving them to school and back.
Motherhood is different for everyone; it feels unique and carries different meanings for each individual. It’s complicated, messy, and often far from glamorous. But it is still profoundly beautiful—truly breathtaking—not just on Mother’s Day, but every day of the year.
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In summary, motherhood is a unique journey for each person, filled with its own challenges and rewards. It’s essential to recognize and embrace the diverse experiences that shape our understanding of what being a mother truly means.