I used to be quite sharp, or at least I think so. Graduating college with honors gives me a hint that my brain once functioned at a high level. I vaguely remember being able to concentrate and complete tasks without distraction. Vaguely.
Imagine an amusement park ride where you’re seated in a car that spins, part of a group of cars also spinning, with the entire apparatus spinning around too. As a child, we called it The Scrambler.
That’s what my mind feels like now that I’m a parent. It’s like there’s a Scrambler operating at full speed up there, nonstop. Sure, I can still put coherent sentences together, but you don’t see the countless typos I’ve fixed in this paragraph alone. You also can’t see that I’ve juggled writing this with three other articles while managing a dozen tasks—feeding kids, singing lullabies, refereeing disputes, searching for a lost Kindle, assisting with homework, and jotting down grocery lists—all in the last twenty minutes.
Motherhood feels like it has gifted me adult-onset ADD. My thoughts race, and I can’t concentrate on one thing for more than two minutes. Initially, this scattered thinking happened only when my kids were around, but now it invades my precious solitary moments too. Even when I finally get an hour of alone time, my brain jumps from one thought to another:
- Are the kids consuming too much sugar?
- They’ve definitely had too much screen time recently—need to address that. The cold weather isn’t helping. Do we have snow pants that fit everyone? What about snow boots? Those are expensive.
- How will we afford college? What if they don’t want to go right away? Are we okay with that?
- Don’t forget about the karate demonstration on Wednesday.
- I still need to finish that draft for work by tomorrow.
- Did I write down that anxiety specialist’s name? I should look into that for our little worrywart.
- The house is a disaster—got to do something about that, too.
- Is it time for my son to start learning a musical instrument?
- Did I leave the laundry in the washer?
It’s not that my mind never wandered before, but this level of distraction is unprecedented. There are just SO. MANY. THINGS.
Being organized helps somewhat, but even that feels like just another item on my endless mental checklist. Writing to-do lists is fine, but I could literally spend all day composing lists of all the things I need to do, remember, or figure out. There’s always something demanding my attention, and never enough time to address it all.
Sometimes, I fantasize about a solo vacation in a tranquil, beautiful place where I could spend a day or two letting my thoughts settle and mentally regrouping. Yet, would I just end up worrying about how my kids and husband are managing? Am I destined to never fully concentrate for a significant period again?
I wonder if things would be different if I weren’t working, or if I worked outside the home. Perhaps if we weren’t homeschooling? Maybe if I got more sleep. Maybe if I won the lottery and could hire help for cooking, cleaning, yard work, and tutoring the kids. Then I might be able to think clearly.
Maybe. But probably not. When you intertwine your life with three other people’s (four if you count your partner), it’s inevitable to feel scattered, regardless of your circumstances. It’s just part of being a mother. Responsibilities, relationships, messes, late-night wake-ups, feeding and bathing, worries, schedules, and juggling different phases at varying ages—all while still trying to be your own individual person.
It’s dizzying. No wonder clarity eludes me. The ironic part? I adored The Scrambler as a child. Now, it just leaves me feeling nauseous and overwhelmed. It’s likely because I’m already riding that chaotic ride in my head constantly.
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Summary
This article reflects on the overwhelming nature of motherhood, comparing the chaos of parenting to the dizzying amusement park ride known as The Scrambler. The author, Jamie Thompson, shares her struggles with maintaining focus amidst the numerous responsibilities and distractions that come with raising a family, ultimately recognizing that this scattered feeling is a common aspect of motherhood.