I gaze at her face, captivated, and she’s not the 6-year-old I think of now, but a tiny 2-year-old. In this bubble bath moment, her expression reflects pure joy, just like it does today.
Indeed, motherhood is an uphill battle. The weight of mom guilt is very real. Navigating the balance of nurturing my relationship with my partner often feels daunting. The humorous quips about needing coffee or wine are only partially jokes.
I’m grateful I didn’t fully understand the challenges of raising kids before diving in; it might have deterred me from starting my family. I’m relieved I didn’t know how difficult it would be to establish sleep schedules, despite what articles and other parents suggest. I’m thankful I was unaware of how my patience would be stretched beyond any limits I could have anticipated. I didn’t foresee that my understanding of self-love and self-awareness would be put to the test by the profound mother guilt that accompanies this journey.
Then, in an instant, all those worries wash away with the soapy water as she playfully pours from her tea set. My worries about my body, my workout routine, or the infrequency of solo bathroom trips dissipate as I watch her delight in her bath toys.
I feel a deep yearning to turn back time, to cradle my daughter when she was an infant, unburdened by future worries. But I can’t. Instead, I reach out to touch her 6-year-old self with gratitude.
I wish I could go back and advise my younger self to prioritize rest and not expend energy fretting about the uncertainties ahead. But I can’t. So, I do my best to care for myself now. I long to remind my early motherhood self to cherish my relationship with my husband and to not neglect our bond because a baby demands my attention. But since I can’t, I embrace him with love and strive to balance my affection for everyone in my life.
I want to tell my new-mother self that I don’t need to expect anything in return for my love. Since I can’t, I smile at the way my body has changed after two children, allowing myself to embrace my beauty and the blessings of motherhood. I wish I could reassure myself during my second pregnancy that it’s impossible to give my new baby the same attention I gave my first, but that doesn’t lessen my love for her. Since I can’t, I shower her with affection in every way I can.
I want to go back and be present when my daughters invite me to play, to let the dishes sit and indulge in playtime. But I can’t, so I make an effort to say yes when they ask me now.
I want to remind my earlier self that I did everything right the first time, that I always did my best, even if I would choose differently with the wisdom of hindsight. But I can’t, so I acknowledge my successes and the areas where I wish I could do better.
To all the mothers out there, I want to say you are loved, and those who matter most bear witness to your unwavering care. I urge you to pause and appreciate the unique world you have created within your home.
While I can’t revisit every cherished moment, the beauty of life is that there are always new experiences awaiting us. I watch my 6-year-old eagerly start kindergarten and see my toddler gradually grow into a little girl. I recognize both the abundance that surrounds us and the precious moments we already share.
Sure, my coffee might often go cold as I rush to catch the school bus or change a diaper, and my home may always be a bit chaotic, but the joys of motherhood are plentiful. It’s a relief I didn’t fully grasp the challenges ahead, and I’m even more thankful that I can’t rewind time because the journey has shaped us into who we are today.
Where we are now is just as sacred as the earliest days with a newborn, and every fleeting moment will become a cherished memory. This day, with my lukewarm coffee, my daughters bickering, and my husband and I stealing kisses while navigating toddler antics, will one day be looked back on with the same affection I feel for the past.
Motherhood is undeniably tough. Yet, this chapter of my life has taught me more about love and sacrifice than I ever thought possible. I can’t rewind my life, nor do I wish to; instead, I gaze into the eyes of my 6-year-old and her little sister, pouring all my love into them, feeling gratitude swell in my heart.
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Summary
Motherhood is a challenging journey filled with love, guilt, and personal growth. While reflecting on the past may evoke a desire for do-overs, the beauty of today and the relationships built are what truly matter. Embracing the present while nurturing our loved ones creates a life rich in joy and gratitude.