On a day of fun at an amusement park, a young boy approached my son, Leo, and pointed at him, declaring, “He looks weird!” Just as I was about to step in, the boy’s father hurried over and whisked him away. This incident was not uncommon; ever since we adopted Leo, we’ve noticed children staring and sometimes making comments about his appearance.
Leo was born with a rare genetic condition known as Apert syndrome, which affects the development of the skull and facial features. This syndrome can also impact other areas, like motor skills and speech, and it often requires multiple surgeries to address various health challenges. To date, Leo has endured thirty surgeries, with more hopefully on the horizon for him.
Initially, I found myself angry at the children who commented on Leo’s looks. However, I quickly realized that my frustration should be directed at the parents, not the kids. R.J. Palacio, author of the bestselling book Wonder, shares a similar experience. She recounted how her young son reacted fearfully upon seeing a girl with a facial deformity, prompting her to leave the ice cream shop in haste. This moment inspired her to create Auggie, the protagonist of her heartwarming story.
Many parents, much like Palacio and myself, grapple with the awkwardness of how to respond when their children notice someone who looks different. Instead of shushing our kids or making a hasty exit, we should embrace these moments as opportunities for learning and connection. Ignoring children’s questions often makes them louder and more insistent, creating a more uncomfortable situation. Instead of resorting to clichés like “Everyone is unique,” which may not resonate with children, we should provide straightforward, honest answers. Kids seek clarity, and vague responses can lead to confusion.
The discomfort often stems from how previous generations were raised regarding disabilities. In my school days, students with special needs were kept apart, which fostered a sense of unfamiliarity. My mother, however, made an effort to expose us to children with disabilities, helping us understand they were individuals with feelings and personalities. Today, laws require that children with special needs be integrated into regular classrooms, promoting understanding and acceptance.
So how should parents react when their child points out another child’s differences? Here’s a simple guide:
- Make Introductions. Resist the urge to escape the situation. Instead, take your child’s hand and approach the family. Say something like, “Hi, I’m Sarah. This is my son, Leo. He noticed your daughter and wanted to say hello.” Avoid unnecessary physical contact unless you know the child and their needs.
- Encourage Questions. Embrace curiosity. Asking questions helps dispel assumptions. A question like, “Could you tell us about your child?” opens the door for meaningful conversation. Families of children with special needs often appreciate this kind of engagement.
- Highlight Similarities. While differences are important to acknowledge, finding common ground can foster connection. You might say, “Look, Leo wears glasses just like her!” or draw attention to shared interests, like favorite characters or activities.
Ultimately, it’s about treating one another with kindness and respect, rather than avoiding or ignoring differences. As our classrooms and communities become increasingly diverse, it’s crucial that we embrace these differences, not shy away from them. For more insights on this topic, you can check out this blog post that delves further into the importance of understanding and acceptance.
In summary, we should encourage open dialogue with our children about differences, foster empathy, and create spaces where everyone feels valued.