Dear Moms of More Than One,
Allow me to extend my sincerest apologies. I’m stepping back, raising the white flag of surrender. If you feel the urge to say “I told you so,” I’ll take it because, until I became a mother of two, I truly didn’t grasp the reality of it all.
Before my second child arrived, I was still managing to get enough rest, maintain my personal hygiene, and enjoy meals with a semblance of regularity. I honestly couldn’t fathom the relentless cycle of sleep deprivation and self-neglect that comes with motherhood. I took pride in how I’d navigated the transition, retaining much of my pre-baby life.
But then my second baby was born, and everything clicked. Suddenly, the truth behind those humorous memes depicting exhausted moms chugging coffee and sneaking chocolate in the bathroom became crystal clear.
I finally understand.
I see why the television is constantly on, even though I once swore I’d never resort to using shows like Dora as a babysitter. I understand why the fleeting bliss of 23 minutes of calm, albeit with animated distractions, trumps any lingering guilt.
I realize how quickly you go from preparing organic purees for your first baby to relying on 10 for $10 jars from Gerber for your second. I know the struggle of slapping peanut butter on stale bread instead of crafting the intricate lunches you once took pride in when you had the time.
I understand that one of your kids might be the “dirty child” in class—complete with crusty milk on their face and remnants of breakfast still clinging to them—as you juggle two kids into daycare. I get how even the most organized routines can derail; baths go uncompleted, teeth remain unbrushed, and pages of bedtime stories are hastily skipped. I see how you and your partner collapse onto the couch after finally getting the kids to bed, wondering where the last couple of hours went.
I understand why you give in to tantrums, why a snack becomes a tool for peace, and why you might hand over your phone to avoid a meltdown at the pediatrician’s office. (I once vowed I wouldn’t be that parent—oops.)
I know what it’s like to feel like your paycheck is just going straight to daycare, and how managing expenses becomes nearly impossible with more than one child. Kids have to eat every day, and somehow that reality hits harder with each additional mouth to feed.
I get it when makeup becomes a distant memory, cute outfits remain unworn, and the book you started sits indefinitely on page 18. I understand why you may feel like a stranger to the radio, only tuning into Facebook posts about brunch instead of actual news.
I know why you’re always late despite your best efforts, and why leaving the house feels like an impossible endeavor. It’s a struggle to pack snacks, locate missing shoes, and tend to a fussy baby who suddenly needs to eat as soon as you’re in the car.
I get that your patience gets tested more frequently, tempers flare quicker, and the love for your children sometimes feels overshadowed by the daily grind of motherhood. It’s easy to lose sight of the joy in the chaos.
But here’s what I also understand: despite the initial fears of not being able to love another child as you do your first, your heart expands to embrace each new life. The love for each child is unique yet equally profound. Even when it feels like you’re stumbling through motherhood blindfolded, the joy of raising children is unparalleled. More kids don’t signal the end of your life as you know it; they mark the beginning of a beautifully different, albeit challenging, journey.
Sincerely,
A Mom of Two Who Finally Understands
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In summary, parenting multiples brings its own set of challenges and revelations. The love you experience multiplies, and the chaos becomes a beautiful part of your story.