Every time I visit a friend’s house with young kids, it seems like the first thing I hear is some variation of: “Please excuse the mess!” or “Sorry for how chaotic it looks!” This habit of apologizing for our living spaces is all too common among mothers, especially those with small children. It’s as if we’ve collectively agreed that when guests arrive, we must offer refreshments and immediately express regret about our messy homes.
I can’t deny that I’ve fallen into this pattern myself. Even after dedicating hours to tidying up, I find myself worrying about what others might think. There’s always something that appears out of order, a surface that could use a wipe, or a chore that remains undone. But let’s take a moment to call a ceasefire in this ongoing battle against messy homes.
I promise not to judge your clutter if you refrain from judging mine. I will never comment on the state of your house, nor will I equate its appearance with your parenting skills or dedication. One day does not define our everyday lives.
The reality is, our homes endure a lot. Stains on the carpet? They’re remnants of our children’s creativity with slime. Handprints on the stainless steel appliances? Proof of our little ones’ explorative nature. Chipped paint signifies the excitement of spontaneous doll stroller races. Overgrown grass? It’s a testament to all the joyful moments spent splashing around in the sprinkler. And yes, laundry piles up because we encourage our kids to embrace messiness, while the dishes accumulate as we prepare healthy meals for our families.
Being a mom is undoubtedly challenging, and it can feel isolating at times. We are often alone in our homes, nurturing our children and seeking a sense of community. We need to surround ourselves with other women who understand our struggles, who share their victories and failures, and who experience the same emotions as they strive to raise kind-hearted individuals.
Are we truly missing opportunities to create memories together because of a few scattered Cheerios or a sink full of dishes? Is achieving a pristine home more important than sharing moments with one another? For me, it’s not.
I won’t fret over the state of my home when you come to visit. I won’t make apologies or even acknowledge the clutter. Instead, I’ll focus on our time together—catching up, sharing laughter, and reminding each other that we’re not alone in this journey. After all, who cares about crumbs when we’re sharing joy at the kitchen counter?
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In summary, let’s agree to put aside our worries about the messiness of our homes and focus on the connections we share as moms. Together, we can navigate this beautiful, chaotic journey of parenthood without the burden of apologies.