Alright, here’s a hot take: I’m five weeks into motherhood, and I’m absolutely enjoying the visits from friends and family! For years, I’ve heard how intrusive these drop-ins can be, disrupting that special early bonding time with your baby, while uninvited guests parade through your home, eager to hold your unvaccinated newborn. One friend even recounted a visit that turned into an impromptu barbecue, where she and her partner felt pressured to quickly cook for their guests while their baby cried for attention. Another mom shared her exhaustion from trying to prepare her home for visitors just before she gave birth, which nearly overwhelmed her. Some podcasts even suggest banning all “toxic people” from visiting during those first few months to maintain that precious peace of the fourth trimester.
I get it—germ concerns are more relevant than ever. Personally, I’ve set a rule that only fully Covid-vaccinated and T-Dap vaccinated individuals can visit before my baby turns four months, following medical advice. However, I’ve found these visits to be incredibly uplifting and liberating for my type-A personality. Let me share why.
Before pregnancy and the pandemic, I was known for hosting gatherings, utilizing any reason to fill my home with people and offer a lavish spread of food and drinks. I was practically a walking advertisement for “Evite” and “Paperless Post,” not to mention my Pinterest board full of appetizer recipes. I thrived on turning ordinary moments into extravagant events.
But the reality of planning, hosting, and cleaning up can be exhausting, even for the most enthusiastic host. Many of my friends decided against having people over because of the time and effort involved. Accepting invitations can often trigger guilt about not being able to reciprocate soon enough. This leads us to a lonely existence, where we only see friends during pricey dinners or special celebrations.
Experiencing pregnancy during the pandemic showed me just how isolating that can be. When my baby arrived, with vaccines becoming available and Covid numbers declining, my doorbell started ringing again, and friends began texting to drop by with food, supplies, and much-needed companionship.
I pushed myself to say “yes” even if my counters were cluttered or the dishes were piled up. I welcomed visits without worrying about having a fancy spread to offer. We coordinated our schedules for short visits rather than waiting for a weekend get-together. The pressure was lifted, and it transformed my home into a lively space filled with laughter and conversation. These casual visits liberated me from the expectations of hosting, changing everything.
Suddenly, I didn’t feel the need to have a spotless home, whip up a gourmet meal, or even put on makeup when someone stopped by. No one would be leaving me a bad review! As the saying goes, “done is better than perfect,” and a simple “drop-by” is much better than the elusive promise of, “we should get together soon.” The added bonus? My child’s community is forming, and thanks to the careful use of hand sanitizer and occasional masks, our visitors can be part of her life from the very beginning.
However, as I waved goodbye to a friend who stopped by for coffee this morning, I realized these easy visits might not last forever. While nothing can replicate the solitude of my pandemic pregnancy, I will genuinely miss the casual visits that have become a routine in my life.
This realization made me question why we often shut our homes off because they’re not perfect or we can’t host a grand dinner. Many of us reserve hosting for kids’ parties, where a bouncy castle can save the day. Others avoid making plans altogether because they feel overwhelmed by time constraints.
That’s why I urge all moms to normalize the “drop-by”! After a year of separation, we should cherish in-person connections more than ever. Arrange a quick visit with a friend or check on a neighbor over coffee. Whether you’re the one visiting or receiving, let’s make it clear that this is a no-pressure, casual affair. Serve whatever you have on hand or skip refreshments entirely. The focus should be on spending quality time together. If you’re not comfortable at home, propose a spontaneous walk in the park instead. Keep it simple, and be open to saying “yes” with less fuss.
In the past, when our parents were raising kids, local mom communities thrived. They didn’t need to look far for support, advice, or companionship. However, in today’s world, we’ve lost those spontaneous connections, often opting for distance over face-to-face interaction. The rise of technology and social media has created barriers that prevent us from forming those important bonds.
When it comes to baby visits, moms should have the final say. You dictate who visits, when, and you reserve the right to decline altogether. Consult your pediatrician, and let your comfort and your baby’s needs guide you. For me, these visits became a much-needed break from the daily grind of new motherhood and a chance to reconnect with those I had missed.
After texting my thoughts to my friend who visited earlier, she admitted she had hesitated to drop by, worrying she needed to bring something or stay longer. As a busy working mom herself, she understood that her mere presence was a gift. We’ve decided to embrace the ease of “drop-bys” from now on—no expectations, no pretenses. Well, maybe we’ll add a glass of wine because, why not?
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Summary:
In this post, Jenna celebrates the importance of casual visits for new moms, challenging the notion that hosting requires perfection. She encourages other mothers to embrace spontaneous drop-ins to foster connections, combat isolation, and build community. By prioritizing genuine interactions over formal gatherings, moms can create a supportive network during the early stages of motherhood.