Yesterday was a whirlwind. As the clock ticked towards 5 p.m., I found myself racing against a work deadline. My 3 ½-year-old, Lily, was unusually needy, our dogs were in full chaos mode, and the state of our home was far from ideal. The soundtrack of a Western standoff played in my mind as I navigated through the living room, dodging tumbleweeds of dog hair. Just days ago, I had washed and folded Lily’s underpants, yet here they were, strewn across the floor. My kitchen island? A graveyard of half-finished coffee mugs.
When my partner returned home, he whisked the dogs away for a walk, granting me a brief window to focus on my work. Once finished, I seized the moment to do something I rarely indulge in: a luxurious hot bath. I crafted a bubbly haven using dish soap—we’re out of actual bubble bath—and was about to step in when Lily dashed in, back from what felt like a record-setting stroll.
“Mom, are you taking a bath?”
“Yes.”
“Are you having wine?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want one of my bath toys?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Even in my quest for solitude, how could I resist the sweetness of my little one offering her toys? So, she joined me, playing with her bath toys from a safe distance while I savored my wine and unwound from the day.
Some days are just tougher than others. As I sat there in my pajamas, teeth unbrushed at 5 p.m., I looked around at the chaos and reminded myself to “Chuck it in the fuck-it bucket.” My partner once reminded me that it’s impossible for anyone to do it all, and he’s absolutely right. Sometimes, you don’t even need to handle half of it.
Laundry? It gets tackled when I’ve run out of jeans or decent underwear. Chuck it. Cleaning? My partner often quips, “Nothing cleans like company!” because that’s usually when we actually tidy up. Chuck it. Lily is still in her phase of being terrified of everyone except her immediate family, hissing at strangers in the grocery store and covering her eyes when anyone looks her way. I’ve stopped making excuses, so it may look like I’m raising a total brat. Chuck it. I’m sure some moms reading this think I’m doing a terrible job. Chuck it.
Our dog, Bella, is digging up the backyard, and nothing seems to deter her. Chuck it. I’ve managed to kill every plant in the house from sheer neglect because unless you’re a toddler demanding food or a dog begging for attention, I can’t keep you alive. Chuck it. I watched as four bananas slowly decayed on my counter without even turning them into banana bread. Chuck it. We’re trying to retrain Lily to sleep in her own bed after her sudden fear of everything. I’ve crawled out of her room more times than I care to remember. Chuck it. I owe countless friends and family emails and texts, but I’m at a loss where to even begin. Chuck it.
At any given moment, I feel like I’m juggling fifty things, only managing to catch a few while the rest come crashing down around me. Chuck it. And yes, I know some will read this and think, “You think that’s bad, try having…” CHUCK YOU!
Here’s the truth: Even though we’re all in this together, it often feels like we’re navigating this journey alone. So, take the time to decide what goes into your own “fuck-it bucket.” That’s the beauty of it.
Maybe a spotless home is a priority for you (and honestly, it seems to be for most people). As long as you’re not living in a state that would warrant a social services check, you’re doing just fine! Everyone has their own rankings of what matters most, and it’s essential to focus on your own list. Be mindful—other people’s priorities shouldn’t dictate yours.
Consider tossing out all those “How to…” articles into your bucket too. Instead, start thinking about “How I…”
If you’re interested in more parenting insights, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination at March of Dimes. And if you’re looking for fun summer activities for your kids, this link has got you covered.
In case you want to explore more about home insemination, you can learn about it at Make a Mom.
Summary: Navigating motherhood can be overwhelming, but it’s important to prioritize what truly matters and let go of the rest. Embrace the chaos, focus on your own priorities, and remember to chuck the things that don’t serve you.