When my son wanted to attend a New Year’s Eve party with two friends and his girlfriend, it presented a tricky situation for me as a mother of a 17-year-old. Setting ground rules is already a challenge, but being in the midst of a pandemic made it somewhat easier for me to decline.
Naturally, I became the villain in the scenario, especially since his friends’ parents were more lenient and just wanted the kids to “have some fun” after such a challenging year. Trust me, Karen, I understand how tough this year has been; I’ve been navigating it too.
A few months later, when another friend turned 18 and his parents rented a hotel room for a gathering, I found myself once again in the thick of it after I had said “no.” The other moms reached out to me, my son was frustrated, and his friends bombarded me with texts trying to convince me everything would be just fine.
When my son developed a scratchy throat and runny nose before Christmas, I was the first to notice and took him for a test. When my kids wanted to return to school halfway through the year, they came to me, pleading their case. Just last week, I reached my breaking point when my daughter got invited to a slumber party, and I had to say she couldn’t go. I felt terrible—these kids have faced enough challenges—but I knew a slumber party could quickly become a super-spreader event, especially with teenagers. After all, we all remember sneaking out or slipping friends into parties. And if a parent is okay with a sleepover, they likely don’t prioritize COVID safety.
My daughter seemed to grasp my reasoning, but on the day of the party, the father of the girl hosting called me (interrupting my work, no less) to discuss my decision. He argued for ten minutes, insisting that they were taking precautions and asking me to reconsider. He didn’t reach out to my ex-husband; it was my responsibility once again to prioritize our family’s health and bear the brunt of being the bad guy.
It’s no secret that this burden typically falls on mothers, even outside of a pandemic. I’ve always been the one to notice when my kids need medical appointments, schedule them, and get them there. I’m the one they approach about their social lives and who they ask when they want a friend over while I work from home and moonlight as a personal chauffeur.
A year ago, every decision felt like a matter of life or death, and it was up to moms everywhere to approve or deny nearly every family action. This reality has made the past year incredibly exhausting, leaving us feeling as if we can’t win. The weight of these decisions is heavy for one person to carry, and it’s frustrating that we often have to shoulder this responsibility alone.
I’ve heard partners (and ex-partners) claim it’s because we are “better at it.” I disagree. Being the one who carries this worry—the one who constantly has to say no to our kids, assess the risks of doctor visits for anything beyond COVID symptoms, or weigh the necessity of a quick trip to the store—can be paralyzing.
When these responsibilities fall on moms, we transform into protective figures, and our kids often see us as fun-sponges out to ruin their lives. Meanwhile, we lose sleep, our minds racing as we try to navigate this chaotic scenario. After all, that’s what moms do. However, the toll it takes is significant, and I’ve never experienced such a level of exhaustion in my life.
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In summary, moms are often the primary decision-makers, especially during challenging times like a pandemic. The weight of these responsibilities can be overwhelming, leading to exhaustion and feelings of isolation as they navigate their family’s health and safety.