Blogger Lila Green perfectly captures the raw truth of postpartum life in a viral Facebook post.
This is the candid list you wish you’d had before welcoming your little one into the world. Forget the sugar-coated version of childbirth from well-meaning friends afraid to frighten you; and skip the clinical details from pregnancy books. We’re talking about the real deal here, folks.
In a recent Facebook post, Lila Green from Baby Steps shared a snapshot of her newborn along with “15 Things to Expect After You’ve Just Delivered a Baby.” She doesn’t hold back. Veteran moms everywhere are nodding in agreement. Pregnant ladies, brace yourselves…
1. Your First Pee
“Your first pee. Bring a jug with you and pour it over your lady parts like you’re starring in an unsettling adult film. It really helps,” Green advises. Can we get a shoutout for the peri-bottle? That little lifesaver is the most treasured item on the postpartum list. Seriously, we love that peri-bottle more than words can express.
However, we’re not sure how much water will assist with what’s coming from behind.
2. Your First Poop
Next is “Your first poop. Don’t freak out. You’re not birthing another baby. It just feels that way,” Green says. Anyone else shuddering at the memory of that painful first time? We’re with you, mama.
3. Newborn Appearance
Then she touches on something most won’t admit: newborns can look a bit strange right after birth. “Your baby looks a little odd. Like…really odd,” she writes. “You’ll hear things like ‘Oh, what a beautiful baby’ and you’ll smile politely, but deep down, you see a hairless, slightly purple old man with remnants of dried blood on their wrinkled face.” Spot on.
4. The First Shower
Green also describes that first shower as resembling a scene from a horror film, and hospital food as being utterly terrible. Oh, and your stomach? It’s going to resemble a deflated balloon. What a joy postpartum life can be!
5. Everything is Angry
Perhaps the most accurate description of those early hours after delivery is this brutally honest remark: “Everything is angry. Your mind is angry, your eyes are angry, your tummy, your bladder, your bum—everything is just upset. Your vagina? It’s absolutely furious.” Amen to that!
On that note, I’m off to find some birth control.
This article was originally published on September 10, 2016.
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In summary, Lila Green’s post is a humorous yet honest look at the often unspoken realities of postpartum life. From the awkwardness of your first bathroom experiences to the surprising appearance of your newborn, she highlights the raw truth that many new mothers can relate to.