Stop Telling Me to ‘Savor Every Second’
Embracing the present amid the chaos feels like trying to find calm on a bucking bull.
By Lila Anderson
April 20, 2022
Photo by Oliver Rossi/Stone/Getty Images
I find myself on the living room floor, sifting through a jumbled basket of toys in search of my four-year-old’s prized Barbie, the one with the braided hair and the purple skirt. I’m making a conscious effort to be in the moment as I engage with her, soaking in her happiness. Just then, my baby yanks my hair while reaching for a Nerf bullet I stashed on the windowsill, hoping to keep it out of her breakfast plans. Meanwhile, my two boys, aged eight and six, are battling over the TV remote, with one kicking the other and inadvertently sending a bowl of Goldfish flying across the room. My focus slips away, and I can’t help but feel overwhelmed.
This isn’t just a fleeting moment of chaos—this is my everyday reality. With four high-energy, extroverted kids, life resembles an unregulated game of dodgeball. My head is always on a swivel, constantly anticipating the next meltdown, and my hands are perpetually full. I strive to stay present, as the endless stream of social media encourages us to do. Articles, memes, and videos implore us to cherish these fleeting years. Yet, the pressure to do so often feels unbearable, leading me to shout, “Enough!”
I know the intention behind the advice to “be present.” I truly do! It sounds good in theory, especially when looking back. But the truth is, I’m acutely aware of how precious this time is, and that awareness can be paralyzing. Just thinking about my children growing up fills me with heartache. The thought of a future without my little ones pulling my hair sends waves of grief through me. The pressure to create those blissful moments of mindfulness only intensifies my anxiety. It’s like trying to hold onto tranquility while riding a bull.
Yet, I persist. Just last week, I reorganized the playroom in the basement, attempting to create a somewhat Montessori-inspired space for my daughters. I was eager to present this new play area to the kids after school, imagining a blissful afternoon of family bonding. I envisioned us gathered on the floor, phones down, immersed in a world of imagination and joy.
But within minutes, chaos erupted: a bloody foot, a broken stair tread, two kids in tears, and one ponytail smeared with peanut butter (don’t ask). Wooden blocks flew, crackers were crushed into the carpet, and I’m pretty sure the baby munched on a tiny high-heeled shoe.
Even when it’s just me and one or two of the kids, being present remains a challenge. Many stay-at-home moms I know juggle side hustles and responsibilities outside the home. We may not have corporate titles, but we’re working hard.
Being a mother to young children is a whirlwind of experiences. It’s the thrill of discovering bugs in the backyard and the drama of WWE matches. It’s the quiet moments spent reading fairy tales, juxtaposed with loud tantrums in the grocery store. It’s being bombarded with questions, enveloped in hugs, and navigating the messiness of everyday life. The societal expectation for us to be present in a zen-like manner is nearly impossible.
So rather than pressuring mothers to meet unattainable standards, let’s foster compassion. Encourage them to cherish the small, manageable moments—the brief calm before the storm when you catch your son’s toothless grin and feel it resonate within you. This way, when he discovers crust on his sandwich and the situation escalates, she might not feel so defeated.
Let’s applaud mothers for all they juggle and recognize how remarkable it is that they carve out time for everything—even when it’s chaotic. Remind them that it’s okay to check emails during a game or let their minds drift during bathtime. Life is busy, and there simply isn’t enough time to give everything the focus it deserves.
And let’s give moms a break for indulging in mindless activities, whether it’s scrolling through their phones at the park or binge-watching reality shows during lunch. We cherish our families more than anything, but we also need moments of escape.
Ultimately, we are all doing our best. We adore our little ones and want to cherish every moment as if it were our last. Yet, we can’t. Life is loud and messy, and that’s perfectly okay.
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