In contemporary conversations about intimacy, the iconic scene from When Harry Met Sally where Sally demonstrates how to convincingly fake an orgasm often comes to mind. In a playful twist, she shows that it is possible to lead a partner to believe they’ve brought you to climax, when in reality, you might just be ready to wrap things up—perhaps because you’re exhausted or simply not in the mood.
It’s a well-known fact that women have long been adept at faking orgasms for various reasons: fatigue, disinterest, or perhaps being with a partner who lacks the skills to truly ignite passion. Instead of engaging in a lengthy lesson on sexual technique, some women choose to simulate pleasure with moans and expressions that signal satisfaction, allowing them to move on with their day.
However, it turns out that men are not exempt from this phenomenon. A recent study conducted by Léa J. Séguin and Robin R. Milhausen revealed that a notable percentage of men also resort to faking orgasms during sexual encounters. In a survey of 230 men aged 18 to 29, participants reported that they had pretended to climax in about 25% of their sexual experiences.
Curious about this, I spoke to several male acquaintances about their own experiences with faking. Their responses were surprisingly relatable:
“A few times, but I remember one instance where it just dragged on too long, and I was done,” shared Mark, 36. Another, Jake, 42, confessed, “I faked it once last year because I was just too tired.”
The reasons were often strikingly similar to those offered by women: emotional sensitivity toward their partner, fatigue, or simply not feeling it at the moment.
According to the study, many men cited the need to protect their partner’s feelings as a primary reason for their deception. This aligns with the understanding that both genders often navigate the complexities of intimacy with a similar playbook. If both parties are aware of this unspoken agreement and it doesn’t negatively impact their relationship, then perhaps it’s not as detrimental as one might think.
It is important to recognize that there’s no shame in either partner acknowledging that the encounter was less than satisfying. Sometimes, it’s perfectly acceptable to say, “That was nice, but let’s call it a night and enjoy some leftovers,” without the pressure of reaching a climax. You can always try again another time.
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In summary, both men and women occasionally find themselves faking orgasms for various reasons, from emotional considerations to sheer exhaustion. As long as both partners are comfortable with this reality and it doesn’t detract from their overall sexual relationship, it may not be as problematic as it seems.