The other night, while I was lounging in bed watching TV, my partner walked in and settled down next to me. He turned off my show, dimmed the lights, and began playing a guided meditation on his phone, featuring soothing instructions on breathing deeply and relaxing. I attempted to follow along, lying still with my eyes closed. From the outside, I likely appeared calm and serene, but inside it was a different story. My breathing was erratic, my heart raced, and my legs trembled. Instead of finding peace, I found myself teetering on the edge of a panic attack.
I recognize how paradoxical this is. Meditation is often praised for its ability to soothe the mind and body, yet for me, it only intensifies my anxiety. Despite numerous attempts in various settings with different recordings, I haven’t found relief. Focusing on my breath causes me to hyperventilate, and my thoughts spiral out of control. I sweat, shake, and feel increasingly anxious. The silence becomes deafening, and calmness feels like an enemy.
Research confirms that I’m not alone. A study from Coventry University revealed that one in twelve people who try meditation experience adverse effects, such as heightened anxiety or even worsening depression. “While meditation works well for most, it’s not universally beneficial,” explained Dr. Miguel Farias, a researcher in the study. He noted that some individuals have reported increased anxiety and panic attacks during meditation. For me, quiet moments amplify the negative self-talk in my mind, convincing me that I’m inadequate or should disappear entirely. The stillness can even intensify suicidal thoughts during depressive episodes.
Other studies, like one from Brown University in 2017, have shown that meditators often report feelings of fear, anxiety, panic, and paranoia. Meditation instructors also acknowledge that these side effects can occur. “Sometimes, when trying to quiet the mind, it can ‘rebel,’ leading to anxiety or depression,” said psychologist Katie Sparks.
While these studies have their limitations, such as relying on self-reports and including individuals already in crisis, they highlight that meditation isn’t suitable for everyone. If you find your anxiety rising before, during, or after meditation, you’re not alone.
As for me, I’ve decided to put meditation on hold for now. Instead, I focus on coping strategies that work for me. I run regularly, logging over 30 miles a week. I see my therapist weekly and reach out in crises. I speak with my psychiatrist bi-monthly, and I take medication without shame. What matters is not what you do, but how it makes you feel.
If meditation brings you joy and peace, keep at it. But if it leaves you feeling worse, it’s essential to reevaluate. Understanding what works for your mind and body is crucial for your well-being. For more insights, check out this other blog post on home insemination, which provides useful information on related topics. For expert insights, visit Intracervical Insemination, an authority in this area. Additionally, American Pregnancy offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.