So, you’ve been told it’s time for a colonoscopy. Don’t worry—many of us face this rite of passage. Whether you’re hitting the big 5-0, have a family history of health issues, or simply need one sooner due to other medical reasons, it’s part of the journey.
As fate would have it, I recently went through this experience myself. While I wasn’t exactly thrilled at the prospect, I decided to approach it with a mindset I apply to all challenges: “Ugh, do I HAVE to?” followed quickly by, “I’m going to tackle this like a champ!” To make your preparation smoother, I’ve curated a handy checklist for those gearing up for a colonoscopy.
- Invest in Quality Toilet Paper: Go for the plush stuff—nothing cheap! If you have the budget, consider something extravagant like tissue made from crushed velvet. And don’t forget those flushable, pre-moistened wipes.
- Communicate with Your Support System: Make sure your spouse or caregiver knows what’s in store for you. I sent my partner a detailed message outlining his responsibilities, like school drop-offs while I was otherwise occupied.
- Prepare the Kids: Be honest with your children about the procedure and how you’ll be feeling. I explained, “The doctors will be using a camera to take a look inside. The day before, I’ll be drinking some really awful stuff and spending a lot of time in the bathroom. Afterward, I’ll be all about the ice cream, so if you want to bring me more, that would be great!”
- Choose Your Last Meal Wisely: Enjoy a delicious last meal, but be aware it may forever change your taste for that dish. I indulged in sushi and a bit of candy—delightful but risky!
- Embrace Humor: Share some light-hearted banter with your partner leading up to the big day. Our exchanges kept the mood light, even when things were about to get… messy.
- Create a Cozy Retreat: You’ll need to go on a liquid diet for 24 hours before the procedure. If you’re prone to irritability, consider isolating yourself to prevent snapping at family members.
- Celebrate the Prep Solution: When it comes time to drink that unpleasant prep solution, share the experience with those around you—make them a bit envious of your “fun.”
- Chug the Prep Solution: Trust me, it’s not pleasant at all. You may think it tastes like salty, bitter cough syrup, but just down it as quickly as possible. You can handle worse!
- Bathroom Command Center: Set up your space with everything you might need—hydration, entertainment, and don’t forget to charge your devices. If you have a cushioned toilet seat cover, now’s the time to use it.
- Wear Comfy Pants: Opt for elastic waistbands rather than drawstrings. You’ll want to be able to make a quick dash to the bathroom!
- Mind Your Undergarments: Avoid wearing nice or light-colored underwear. You may find yourself needing to dispose of them afterward.
- Share Your Journey: While it’s best to refrain from live-tweeting your experience, take some lighthearted selfies and share them with your friends, because who doesn’t love an inside joke about colon health?
- Stay Within Range of the Bathroom: Keep your movements minimal and avoid any bending or squatting. Your toilet is your new best friend.
- Morning Shower: Take a shower the morning of the procedure, but be ready for quick escapes to the bathroom.
- Be Kind to Medical Staff: They’re there to help, even if they miss veins trying to set up your IV. Remember, they’ll be getting an up-close look at your colon.
- Keep the Mood Light with Doctors: Crack a few awkward jokes. Their polite laughter will help you relax—this is, after all, the easiest part of the process.
- Update Friends and Family: Let them know how you’re feeling post-procedure.
- Holiday Card Ideas: If you time it right, you might even consider including a picture of your colon in your holiday cards—just for laughs!
P.S. To my partner, this experience solidified my stance on avoiding “butt stuff.” Sorry not sorry!
For more information on pregnancy and fertility, check out this excellent resource from the CDC.
In summary, preparing for a colonoscopy may seem daunting, but with the right mindset and a bit of humor, you can navigate through it. Remember to gather your supplies, communicate with your loved ones, and embrace the experience as a necessary step in maintaining your health.