Date: September 21, 2015
The ideal. Ah, the ideal. Was it merely a fantasy? Infatuation, love-struck moments, completely dazzled by affection—love, love, love. I swear it was real once. I was almost 21, I know, quite young. But that’s when I encountered him—the man who reshaped everything. He transformed my existence, sparked my passions, and made me envision having it all: the ideal.
Marriage. Children. The ideal.
He offered it all to me. I was the bride who cared less about the wedding details and more about the journey that lay ahead. I simply wanted to marry this extraordinary man—the one I had the privilege of waking up to each morning, rolling over, and exploring life with.
The honeymoon was blissful, both post-wedding and during our first year together. We daydreamed about having a child: half me, half him. How poetic.
Then reality struck. I went into labor and pushed a baby out of my body. (WHAT JUST HAPPENED?) It was as if I awakened from a dreamy haze. The overwhelming fog cleared, only to be replaced by what I now refer to as “The Life Quake.” It took a few weeks to adjust and accept this new mom identity as my new norm.
Our duo had transformed into a trio, which brought both joy and challenges. On one side, I felt shattered—emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. My husband, however, appeared untouched by the chaos, still sleeping soundly and enjoying meals. UGH!
How drastically things had shifted. He was interested in intimacy, while I longed for a moment of peace in the shower. Life turned into a series of disagreements, resentments, and a struggle to adapt to change. Communication broke down, and understanding felt elusive.
For the first time, our relationship became laborious. But we persevered. I expressed my feelings, often repeating myself, while he listened in silence, wishing for it to pass. We sometimes went to bed angry. I cried alone, watching our baby sleep, voicing my unhappiness and loneliness. Was it just hormones? The shock of this new life? Did I miss my husband? Was I being selfish? Yes, to all of it.
Yet, we held on. Once our second child arrived, we felt like seasoned veterans. We were both aware of what to expect this time. We corrected many of our previous mistakes, especially concerning our relationship, which helped.
But it remained challenging! More breastfeeding, endless diaper changes, and a crying baby, with even less time for ourselves. I was convinced my libido would never return, no matter how much I pleaded with my hormones. The ideal didn’t feel so idyllic anymore; some days, it felt like a nightmare.
Yet, I often caught glimpses of my husband, radiating the same charm as the man I had met years ago. Those glimpses kept me motivated. I hoped he saw the same woman he fell for and not just the reality of my evolving body.
As the fog of infancy began to lift, we made a joint decision to stop expanding our family. I felt a sense of relief. This was a choice for us, not just for the kids. We prioritized our relationship and focused on raising healthy children.
We started seeking help—not out of necessity but out of desire. We wanted to carve out time for our marriage. We took short trips, enjoyed date nights alone and with friends, and relished the rare moments of having the house to ourselves. Oh, and guess what? My libido returned, alive and thriving.
But parenting remains a significant challenge. My toddler seems to want only me, which can be draining. I’m also navigating the complexities of raising a sassy 7-year-old, and it’s driving me to the brink.
Make no mistake; these are some of the best times of our lives, and we are grateful. We couldn’t ask for more—happy, healthy children and a supportive partner who’s always got my back.
But it’s still immensely challenging. We’ve endured, and we will continue to endure. We know it will keep improving. Life will reward us unexpectedly, and we’ll continue to surprise one another, realizing that despite all the changes, we are still those same two people from the day we first met.
And despite the struggles, we are undeniably living the ideal, which has been redefined countless times. It’s our ideal.
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In summary, while marriage and parenting can be incredibly challenging, the journey is also rewarding. Through the ups and downs, the love and commitment between partners can lead to growth and fulfillment, making the dream a reality, albeit a constantly evolving one.