“Looks like you’ve created a little one! I have too.” This phrase seems to be my go-to icebreaker for making new friends these days.
At a recent birthday celebration for my best friend, I struck up a conversation with one of her colleagues. “Your child watches Ryan too? That’s one of our favorites!” I was far too enthusiastic about it. Who knew that the bond of parenthood would be forged over YouTube channels? The dialogue quickly morphed into discussions about our go-to videos, the channels we avoid, and even some warnings about the mischief that Bad Baby content can incite in our little ones. I felt compelled to share my experience to help others avoid the chaos I went through.
What began as a casual chat evolved into something more substantial, leading us to share an Uber ride home later that evening. Initially, we chatted about non-parenting topics like TV shows and tattoos, trying to keep things balanced between the moms and non-moms in the group. However, as the night wore on and more moms remained, the conversation naturally shifted to parenting topics. It’s almost a given: gather a few moms in one space, and the discussion will inevitably drift toward children.
The Depth of New Friendships
While I appreciated making a new mom friend, I couldn’t help but wonder how deep our connection could go. Our friendship might revolve around our kids getting along rather than our shared interests outside the realm of parenting. I find myself longing for conversations about adult subjects, even if it’s just my obsession with Grey’s Anatomy or my newfound interest in self-care products.
Friendship-making was so different in my younger years. Back then, I simply sought out those who shared my passions—books, music, and culinary delights. Even in my post-college work life, I gravitated toward colleagues with whom I felt a genuine connection, enjoying evenings spent together unwinding over wine or discussing life’s dramas. Now, conversations with my long-time friends who are also moms inevitably return to our children, even with all the shared memories we have outside of motherhood.
Playground Encounters
As a result, I’ve become familiar with many parents at the local playground due to the amount of time I spend there with my son. There’s only so much to do while your child plays, which often leads to casual exchanges about kids and work. For those families I’ve known for years, we might reflect on how quickly our children are growing, but despite our friendly rapport, there’s little encouragement to extend our relationships beyond the playground.
Approaching a new mom can feel awkward. What do you say? “I see you’ve made a small human; I’ve made one too. Want to chat while they play?” It seems silly. It’s tricky to gauge another parent’s interest in conversation; I often find myself hesitant, waiting for signs of receptiveness. Complimenting their child usually helps break the ice. If the parent responds positively, it can lead to a chat about our children, their behaviors, and our shared experiences.
Indoors vs. Outdoors
Indoors, however, the dynamics change. You can’t hide behind your phone as easily, and sometimes the forced friendliness feels awkward. It often feels like navigating an online dating scenario, where you’re unsure if the person you meet matches your expectations. Do I look okay? Am I being too awkward? It can be overwhelming.
The Desire for Connection
In the end, I’m left with the realization that I want connections, but I’m often too worn out to pursue them. The effort to make friends in this stage of life can feel as exhausting as the pursuit of romantic relationships. Maybe there is a way to make this easier; after all, there are platforms that aim to facilitate connections between moms.
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Conclusion
In summary, while forming friendships through motherhood can be challenging and often superficial, the desire for meaningful connections remains. It’s a struggle to balance the demands of parenting with the longing for deeper conversations about adult life.