Finding time to connect with your best friend after having a baby can be a challenge, especially when a tiny, demanding little one occupies your every moment. Nevertheless, your friendship matters, so you muster the energy to get yourself somewhat presentable for a catch-up session (with baby in tow) with your devoted pal. It’s a delightful moment; she even takes the baby for you while you sneak in a much-needed shower.
Oh, how you’ve longed for a conversation with another adult! Sure, you might nod off briefly while your friend recounts the latest drama from her bar escapades, but it’s such a relief to finally share your own experiences, like those annoying stitches. Surprisingly, you feel less awkward than anticipated when you whip out your enlarged breast to feed your wailing baby, all while your friend looks on, a mix of wonder and disbelief.
Yet, you can’t help but notice that your friend hasn’t been reaching out as much as before. Could it be the topics of your conversations? For instance, take poop:
After giving birth, discussing poop becomes a perfectly acceptable part of daily chat. New moms can’t help but dissect the characteristics of their baby’s poop—the texture, color, smell. It’s like a bizarre science lesson, but with poop! Even as my kids have grown, I still find myself caught up in “poop talk.” But I recognize that a friend without kids might not share the same enthusiasm for my tales of catching my baby’s poop in my hand to avoid mopping the floor. I’ll likely share a sanitized version of the story and quickly pivot the conversation to her career or romantic life before she feels nauseous (on my carpet).
And what about nipples? Remember when the word “nipple” made you cringe? Now, all you can think about is how sore and cracked yours are, and how your baby’s latch feels more like a tiny vice grip. You find yourself wanting to discuss how enormous they’ve become, like those women from National Geographic. Want to see? NIPPLES, NIPPLES, NIPPLES!
If your bestie enjoys these chats about your sensitive areas, consider yourself lucky—she’s a rare gem! Otherwise, it’s best to avoid delving too deeply into such topics. Other areas to tread lightly on include:
- Vomit and spit-up (especially avoid recounting the time you played airplane with your baby and ended up wearing it).
- Your vagina (the tearing, bleeding, and its current state).
- Your rear end (the horror of tearing and the pain of your first postpartum bowel movements).
- The moment your partner tried your breast milk and declared it “not that bad.”
These subjects may be too graphic for your friend, or they might just scare her into never wanting kids.
Now that we’ve eliminated most of your current thoughts from your conversational arsenal, here are some ideas to keep the friendship alive:
Ask your BFF about her life. Even if you’re exhausted, try to appear engaged—falling asleep mid-conversation is not an option! Her dating woes might seem trivial compared to your new life of diapers and sleepless nights, but remember: she’s navigating her own journey. Stay awake and attentive!
Another good approach is to reminisce about the fun times you shared before baby life took over. It’ll be a welcome break from all things motherhood, and you might even share a laugh that doesn’t revolve around diapers!
And yes, it’s perfectly fine to discuss your baby, as long as you steer clear of the more graphic details. If your friend is as understanding as mine, she’ll likely ask about your little one anyway—just remember: no gross talk!
The venue for your hangouts might shift (those party clothes don’t fit anymore), but your friendship can endure. As new moms, we must recognize that we’ve walked in our friends’ shoes, but they haven’t experienced this side of life yet. It’s our job to empathize and not assume they’ll be excited to hear us ramble on about the not-so-glamorous aspects of being a new parent.
Interestingly, as my best friend and I discussed this article, we realized that despite the changes brought by motherhood and her thriving career, our friendship has flourished. We’ve managed to keep our bond strong, independent of the family dynamics. It’s a testament to our connection that I can share my poop stories without her running for the hills.
Summary
Balancing a friendship after becoming a parent can be tricky. While it’s natural to want to share your experiences, be mindful of your friend’s comfort levels. Focus on maintaining engaging conversations about her life and shared memories. Your friendship can thrive despite the changes that come with motherhood, so be sure to keep the lines of communication open and avoid overly graphic topics.