In our home, a cherished photo hangs in the hallway featuring my partner and me alongside our eldest nephew. The frame proudly states, “My Godparents.” Occasionally, one of our kids spots the picture and inquires about what “godparents” are. “Do I have them? Why not?” they ask, prompting me to explain — albeit with a hint of regret — why they lack godparents.
“Well, you weren’t baptized.”
“I wasn’t?”
“Nope.”
“Why not?!”
“Our belief system doesn’t involve baptizing children.”
This often leads to further questions, though sometimes the conversation fizzles out, leaving them mildly disappointed about their lack of godparents and indifferent toward baptism. They recognize that our family doesn’t engage with church life in the same way their Christian and Jewish friends do, yet they still grapple with their identity as religious outsiders.
We identify as Unitarian Universalists (UUs), a faith that can be as challenging to explain as it is to pronounce. UUs do not adhere to a specific set of doctrines, comprising only about one percent of the American population in the “other faith” category. Our community is richly diverse; some members come from other religious backgrounds, while others are atheists or agnostics. Belief in a higher power varies, and the discussion around whether to capitalize “God” is often lively. We reject original sin, as concepts like the Trinity and bar/bat mitzvahs simply do not apply.
Instead, our focus is on kindness, connection, and reverence for something greater than ourselves, though perceptions of that “something” vary widely. You might say we embody the essence of the Church of the Golden Rule.
My journey to Unitarian Universalism began later in life, after a traditional Catholic upbringing complete with First Communion and confirmation, not to mention the ritual of abstaining from meat on Fridays during Lent. While I value the spiritual roots of my youth, I eventually came to the realization, much like many others, that the concept of the Trinity didn’t resonate with me. The idea of a “bearded white man in the sky” as God felt far removed from my understanding. Rather, I pondered the existence of a more abstract divinity — perhaps a god with a lowercase “g.”
Amidst my own explorations of belief, I wanted to give my children a spiritual framework. But how? I sought a community that fostered a sense of the divine while maintaining authenticity and knowledge, and for a time, I questioned whether such a place even existed. However, over the last decade, I’ve discovered that this unique faith, with its lengthy name, truly fits our family.
In our congregation, we explore the works of poets like Rumi and Mary Oliver, and we sing an eclectic mix of songs. Our church hosts groups catering to Atheists, Humanists, and Agnostics, as well as the Feminine Divine, and even a book club. We celebrate diverse traditions, from an annual Passover Seder to a Christmas pageant and a delightful Halloween gathering. My evolving beliefs coexist harmoniously with my partner’s humanist views, and our children are taught the value of spirituality without being dictated how to practice it. It’s akin to being “spiritual but not religious,” except we actually are a recognized religion.
Despite my affection for our open-minded, somewhat unconventional faith, I often find it challenging to articulate its essence, especially when explaining it to those unfamiliar with Unitarian Universalism. Fitting in with others can be tricky; to my Jewish and Christian friends, I’m not religious enough, while my non-churchgoing friends often perceive me as too religious. My kids, for their part, sometimes feel left out when they see friends receiving First Communion gifts.
Nonetheless, our family embraces our unique religious identity. I take pride in being part of a faith community that was an early advocate for marriage equality and that implemented gender-neutral bathrooms long before it became a national conversation. I appreciate that my children are learning about a variety of faith traditions, from Judeo-Christian beliefs to Buddhism and beyond, and that they are encouraged to celebrate differences. Most importantly, I am grateful that I can be true to my beliefs while being part of a spiritual community.
While we may not always fit into the mold of mainstream religion, we undeniably feel a strong sense of belonging.
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Summary:
Our family identifies as Unitarian Universalist, a nontraditional faith that emphasizes kindness and connection without strict doctrines. While we grapple with our unique identity, we celebrate a spiritual community that supports diverse beliefs. Though mainstream religion doesn’t always align with us, we embrace our “otherness” and feel a profound sense of belonging.