Not long ago, my partner and I attended an extravagant wedding that felt almost like a scene from a movie. Imagine a grand beachfront estate, complete with live music, gourmet food stations, and even synchronized swimmers gracing the pool. Amidst the splendor, one remark from the officiant resonated deeply: “Marriage is not the most important thing; it is the only important thing.” Those words lingered in my mind.
When you have a child with Down syndrome, you unexpectedly join a community of parents who understand your journey. Shortly after our son was discharged from the NICU, another parent reached out to us. She had learned about her son’s diagnosis right after birth and shared her fears and hopes. Her message was both comforting and inspiring, as she detailed how her son continuously defied her worries about the future.
After we finished reading her words, my partner turned to me, tears streaming down his face. He struggled to speak, but his heartfelt wish for our son will forever stay with me: “I hope he finds a partner with Down syndrome; I want him to experience love like we do.”
During the period when we were grappling with our son’s diagnosis, thoughts of marriage often consumed me. It meant so much to both of us; would he ever find that kind of connection? As life expectancy for individuals with Down syndrome improves, so does the likelihood of marriage. However, when someone with Down syndrome gets married, it still makes headlines, indicating it’s not yet a common occurrence.
While my hopes for him to marry stem from the joy I’ve found in my own marriage, I now understand that he doesn’t have to mirror our choices; he should carve his own path. Our parental duty isn’t to create replicas of ourselves but to instill values while encouraging independence and personal decision-making.
Thus, to the officiant, I must respectfully disagree. Marriage isn’t everything; love is. Our son may not experience love in the same exact way his father and I do, but he will certainly love and be loved—be it through friendships, familial bonds, or perhaps even a romantic partner someday. Regardless of marital status, his life will be rich with love.
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In summary, while marriage is a significant aspect of life for many, it is not the sole measure of love or fulfillment. As parents, we must guide our children to embrace love in all its forms, ensuring they live joyful, connected lives.