My grandparents exemplified a lasting marriage, spending over 65 years together despite being polar opposites. Grandpa was serene and collected, while Grandma was assertive and vocal. He was a visionary, and she was a doer. Their bond endured through career shifts, the arrival of three children, the heartbreaking loss of two of them within mere months, and the ups and downs of opening and closing a business, along with the countless challenges that arise in any partnership.
Today, we often hear that relationships lack permanence, or that “divorce is too simple.” Some argue that previous generations remained married simply because “that’s what was expected.” However, I believe my grandparents’ longevity stemmed from a crucial understanding of marriage: as Grandpa wisely noted, “Some days, love is a choice.”
When entering marriage, no one anticipates it will end in divorce. We don’t include “until divorce do us part” in our vows. While there are scenarios where divorce is the best course of action due to non-negotiable issues, many of us must learn to navigate the inevitable rough patches. By “rough,” I refer to anything from minor, yet significant annoyances, like a spouse’s loud snoring, to major, life-altering mistakes. Every marriage will face a mix of both.
Love starts off easy, a feeling that envelops us. Falling in love feels effortless, but maintaining that love over time requires conscious effort. Feelings can’t simply be worn like a coat; life’s challenges can dampen that initial spark. At times, it may feel irretrievable.
However, those challenging periods are when we must actively choose to love. During weeks or months when we feel distant from one another, we dig in our heels and choose unity, even when giving up seems like the easier path. It’s crucial to recognize that conflict can be constructive if managed well. Just as a wound must be treated properly to heal, addressing marital issues, no matter how painful, is essential for growth. The discomfort of confronting problems is often a necessary step toward healing.
We chose our partners for specific reasons, and it’s vital to remember those reasons when times get tough. It’s normal to feel lost and to question everything when challenges arise. We often feel safest revealing our vulnerabilities to each other, exposing parts of ourselves we would otherwise hide. This level of intimacy, despite its messiness, fortifies our bond.
Ultimately, love is a choice, not merely a circumstance. Marriage is a series of events that repeatedly reinforces this truth. It’s not a continuous path of roses and sunshine; rather, it resembles a winding trek through diverse terrain — at times rocky and steep, yet also breathtakingly beautiful. These experiences test our limits, and it is through adversity that we truly learn to cherish the easier times.
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Summary:
In essence, love is a deliberate choice that requires effort and commitment, especially during challenging times. Marriage is not simply a romantic venture but a journey filled with ups and downs that tests our limits and reinforces our bonds.