My first son’s name followed a cherished family tradition common in many Black households, where names are often uniquely spelled to maintain a consistent initial. His name, Kaden, was a creative twist on a biblical name, reflecting a tradition that resonates deeply, regardless of one’s religious beliefs. However, when it came to naming my second son, born over a decade later, I decided to break free from convention.
“I’ve chosen the name Theo,” I announced to my friends during a pottery painting session, awkwardly perched on a chair that felt far too rigid for my six-months-pregnant form. I anticipated that the group of Black mothers, whose opinions I valued greatly, would have something to say, but I wasn’t prepared for the intensity of their reactions.
“You can’t name him that!”
“No, no… we need to help you.”
As they brainstormed alternatives starting with “T,” I concealed my disappointment. I allowed myself to feel the hurt of having my idea dismissed. It was difficult to hear critiques from people who hadn’t yet met my son, even though I felt a connection to him as he grew within me. I gave them grace, understanding that their intentions were rooted in love. After all, naming a Black child—especially a Black boy—carries significant weight.
For Black mothers, choosing a name for our children involves additional layers of thought. At a basic level, names often deemed stereotypically Black are frequently the subject of jokes. Both children and adults exploit exaggerated versions of these names for amusement, undermining the dignity of Black individuals.
Names that deviate from the norm in the U.S. can incite fear or prejudice against the individuals who bear them. For instance, former President Barack Obama faced relentless scrutiny over his citizenship, with his middle name, Hussein, becoming fodder for baseless theories linking him to terrorism. My eldest son has an Arabic middle name with profound significance, yet he didn’t even learn of its existence until high school. My own apprehensions about potential discrimination led me to keep that name a secret for years.
Name discrimination is a reality. Research shows that candidates with Black-sounding names are less likely to receive callbacks from employers. Yet, distinctively Black names also embody strength and resilience. Historically, enslaved Africans were often stripped of their identities, receiving only a first name from their enslavers. Over time, Black individuals have reclaimed their heritage through names that affirm their identity and connect them to a rich ancestry.
However, this decision is never straightforward. Should we embrace our children’s Blackness and African heritage, knowing it might affect their opportunities? Will they have to repeatedly correct others who mispronounce or shorten their names? Choosing a name that proudly reflects Black culture is an act of reclamation against a legacy of oppression. For me, naming my youngest son Theo symbolized a release from the anxieties tied to raising a Black child in today’s world.
There’s no grand story behind his name. I simply found it in a baby name book and felt it resonated with my son’s spirit. His name brings me joy, and for many Black people, experiencing joy is a radical act in itself.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, Jamie Carter discusses her experience of naming her second son, Theo, diverging from traditional naming conventions within Black culture. She explores the complexities and societal implications tied to naming Black children, including the potential for discrimination and the significance of reclaiming cultural identity. Ultimately, naming her son was a liberating act that allowed her to embrace joy amidst the challenges of motherhood in a racially charged world.