One of the most significant decisions I made this year was to part ways with certain friendships. This wasn’t triggered by a singular, dramatic moment—there were no arguments, no tears, and definitely no standoffs. Instead, I quietly distanced myself, taking deliberate steps back until those relationships faded away. It was time for me to muster the courage to end not just one, but several friendships that had become burdensome.
I can’t pinpoint exactly what motivated me to say goodbye. The common thread among these friendships was a sense of fatigue; they no longer enriched my life but rather drained my time, energy, and happiness. I don’t think my friends intended to hurt me, but I realized I had outgrown them. I say this not from a place of superiority; I am far from perfect, and I’m sure my former friends would have their perspectives to share about me.
This past year has been filled with challenges that led to significant personal growth. We welcomed another child into our family, but shortly after, I faced a cancer diagnosis that required extensive work on my mental health following the medical trauma. Just when I thought we had entered a brighter chapter, the pandemic hit, leaving me with barely enough energy to manage day-to-day life—let alone maintain half-hearted friendships.
One friend went completely silent after my diagnosis, which hurt deeply. I had thought our friendship was enduring; I had been part of her wedding, and she had babysat my children. I wondered why my health struggles seemed to overwhelm her. A simple message or a meal dropped at my door would have meant the world, but nothing came. I remember spotting her at a park and daring to hope for a reconnection, only to watch her decline my call. My heart sank.
Another friend would drain every conversation with her negativity. Each time we spoke, she would list everything that was wrong in her life—her husband, her child’s teacher, her family—nothing was exempt. I valued her intelligence and humor, yet our discussions were becoming increasingly taxing.
Then there was the friend who craved constant attention. She wanted to do everything together, leaving little room for my own commitments. I found it hard to let her go because our friendship had been forged in a moment of deep vulnerability.
While I could have tried to salvage these friendships, I realized I didn’t have the energy to do so. Balancing medical trauma, work, and family left me with little to give. Authentic relationships require effort, but they shouldn’t consume a large portion of your emotional space.
This year, I learned that it’s perfectly acceptable for friendships to become incompatible. Growth happens at different paces for everyone, and sometimes, we simply drift apart. Staying friends out of guilt is not healthy. Just because someone has been in your life for a long time doesn’t mean you need to maintain that connection.
We all have our own issues that can hinder our ability to connect with others. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of no longer being on the same wavelength. There’s no shame in letting go; it takes strength to prioritize your well-being and recognize when a friendship is no longer serving you.
During the long pandemic months, I’ve felt the urge to reach out to my former friends. I still care for them and think of the good times we shared. However, I’ve decided to cherish those memories while focusing on the relationships that genuinely uplift me. We must give ourselves permission to release friendships that no longer resonate with who we are. By doing so, we make space for more meaningful connections, or even for ourselves.
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Summary:
This year, I made the empowering decision to let go of several friendships that no longer added value to my life. After facing significant personal challenges, I realized that some relationships were draining rather than uplifting. I learned that it’s perfectly acceptable for friendships to evolve or fade, and that guilt should never dictate our connections. Prioritizing our own well-being often means making tough choices, but it’s ultimately about protecting our peace and making room for healthier relationships.