As mothers, we often find ourselves laughing about how chaotic our lives can be. Showers become a rare treat, our homes can resemble disaster zones, and years may slip by without a dental check-up. Many of us can’t remember the last time we had a haircut or savored a long, relaxing bubble bath. When we do manage to carve out these fleeting moments, society loves to applaud us for indulging in “self-care.”
But let’s get real: these should not be seen as extraordinary feats.
We should be able to shower whenever we want. Taking care of our physical and mental well-being should be a given. We deserve hairstyles that make us feel confident, and after a long day with the kids, we absolutely deserve to unwind in a bubble bath. These aren’t acts of self-care; they’re fundamental needs for mothers to feel good about themselves.
Interestingly, fathers don’t receive the same accolades for doing everyday tasks. I’ve never heard anyone call a dad’s daily shower “self-care.” Yet, when a mother sneaks away for a moment alone at the grocery store, suddenly it’s a monumental act of self-love.
Society’s definition of self-care often revolves around trivial tasks—like a haircut or a few minutes of solitude—yet fails to recognize that these are merely preparatory steps to actually filling our cups. Yes, they clean us up, but they don’t truly replenish us. If these basic activities are now considered self-care for mothers, it’s evident that countless moms are struggling under the weight of these unrealistic expectations.
This burden has a name: sexism. It takes two to co-parent, yet it’s still widely accepted for mothers to shoulder the majority of parenting responsibilities, even if they also work outside the home. While this may not apply to every family, it’s a norm that many of us have come to accept.
We often hear about mothers who are awake all night with a crying baby while their partners sleep soundly. It’s not surprising that while one parent showers daily, the other might go days without one. And yet, we accept this as the norm. Parenting is not recognized as a partnership, and some fathers still see their involvement as merely “helping out” or “babysitting.”
Mothers are usually the ones managing the mental load, remembering appointments, and juggling schedules. When a baby cries at night, it’s typically expected that the mother will be the one to respond. But what if she didn’t? What if she decided to let the father handle it? Would we then view his exhaustion and lack of self-care as acceptable? I doubt it.
It’s not fair to place all responsibilities onto one parent and then expect them to remain energized and fulfilled. It’s degrading to suggest that basic needs like personal hygiene are luxuries, especially for mothers. When did using the bathroom alone or washing our faces become tantamount to indulgence?
The bare minimum that fathers do is held up as the pinnacle of self-care for mothers. If the most basic tasks of existence are now celebrated as “extra” for women, it’s clear that many are struggling. We need our worth acknowledged. We’re not asking for the moon; we just want equality and recognition amid the chaos of parenting.
Let’s stop treating a mother’s basic needs as a reward for her hard work. We deserve more than just the bare essentials that we often miss out on.
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Summary
The article explores the misperception of self-care for mothers, arguing that basic needs like showers and personal hygiene should not be labeled as acts of self-care. It highlights the societal expectations that place the brunt of parenting on mothers while fathers often receive praise for their minimal involvement. Ultimately, the piece calls for recognition and equality in parenting responsibilities.